Comments on: Bullies - its time to reconsider what’s ‘normal’. http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/ Ever the arty Autie Thu, 28 Aug 2008 00:25:00 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Alan http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-16529 Alan Mon, 26 Nov 2007 00:32:12 +0000 http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-16529 Thank you for your honest and powerful post. Having dealt with bullying in my past and currently working on dealing with it through my blog, I couldn't agree with your comments more. I also have a great friend, who's son has Aspergers and must deal with the cruilty of being bullied at school daily. He has little idea what he can do about it and why it is due to his Aspergers. Thanks for bringing this to the forefront. Thank you for your honest and powerful post. Having dealt with bullying in my past and currently working on dealing with it through my blog, I couldn’t agree with your comments more.

I also have a great friend, who’s son has Aspergers and must deal with the cruilty of being bullied at school daily. He has little idea what he can do about it and why it is due to his Aspergers. Thanks for bringing this to the forefront.

]]> By: Otir http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-15611 Otir Sun, 11 Nov 2007 01:17:53 +0000 http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-15611 Donna, I think the problem with bullies, bullees and bullyiers is slightly different than what you describe. What happens in the sad phenomenon is because at the age of teen-age, the children have a strong need to conformity to a group. When they don't recognize someone to belonging to "their" group, they start discriminating him or her. The main issue is teaching children of any age WHAT is discrimination and how damaging its effects are. Studies and experiments have shown - very sadly - that someone who is discriminated against when given a chance to discriminate is very likely to be even more cruel in a sort of retaliation. Awareness is one thing, prevention another, and I personally have no ready made solution to offer. I am just very concerned and wanting to be involved in fighting against bullying as I am fighting against any kind of discrimination. In my opinion, it goes further than only empathy. It is a core value that has to be carried over with education ... I don't want to say that many parents are not taking over this job anymore, because it could be a generalization on my part, but in the back of my mind, this is also what I believe. Donna, I think the problem with bullies, bullees and bullyiers is slightly different than what you describe. What happens in the sad phenomenon is because at the age of teen-age, the children have a strong need to conformity to a group. When they don’t recognize someone to belonging to “their” group, they start discriminating him or her.

The main issue is teaching children of any age WHAT is discrimination and how damaging its effects are. Studies and experiments have shown - very sadly - that someone who is discriminated against when given a chance to discriminate is very likely to be even more cruel in a sort of retaliation. Awareness is one thing, prevention another, and I personally have no ready made solution to offer. I am just very concerned and wanting to be involved in fighting against bullying as I am fighting against any kind of discrimination.

In my opinion, it goes further than only empathy. It is a core value that has to be carried over with education … I don’t want to say that many parents are not taking over this job anymore, because it could be a generalization on my part, but in the back of my mind, this is also what I believe.

]]> By: donna http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-7604 donna Sat, 05 May 2007 08:16:26 +0000 http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-7604 Hi Otti, all the best with your autism friendly dinner club and pen-pal list. :-) Donna *) Hi Otti,

all the best with your autism friendly dinner club and pen-pal list.

:-) Donna *)

]]> By: Otti Newhouse http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-7603 Otti Newhouse Sat, 05 May 2007 07:59:45 +0000 http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-7603 I contacted two interesting listing points and I must tell Angelica Rose's Drama for Everyday Life is like a leaf out of my wishlist for the spectrum :) Here is my listing at auties.org, would you be so kind to perhaps spread the words? http://www.auties.org/dinnerclub/listings///240/edit//0/ (under Melbourne East based Club and pen-friendship As you can see I too also try to give first to get something back perhaps Thanks again for the pointer, I already feel indebted I contacted two interesting listing points and I must tell Angelica Rose’s Drama for Everyday Life is like a leaf out of my wishlist for the spectrum :)
Here is my listing at auties.org, would you be so kind to perhaps spread the words?
http://www.auties.org/dinnerclub/listings///240/edit//0/
(under Melbourne East based Club and pen-friendship
As you can see I too also try to give first to get something back perhaps
Thanks again for the pointer, I already feel indebted

]]> By: Otti Newhouse http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-7561 Otti Newhouse Fri, 04 May 2007 01:26:17 +0000 http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-7561 Gee, I find so much wisdom in this thread. I think bullying is something that can be changed and will be changed. I just feel it. But I tell you what. It will not be a neuro-typical who will make it happen. If I could see it reversed, our weaknesses made to strength in this - hey that would be my vengence. We just need to work on it. I could spend my whole day on this thread. But I better get back to work Cheers all Gee, I find so much wisdom in this thread. I think bullying is something that can be changed and will be changed. I just feel it. But I tell you what. It will not be a neuro-typical who will make it happen.

If I could see it reversed, our weaknesses made to strength in this - hey that would be my vengence. We just need to work on it.

I could spend my whole day on this thread. But I better get back to work
Cheers all

]]> By: Otti Newhouse http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-7558 Otti Newhouse Fri, 04 May 2007 01:12:58 +0000 http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-7558 One question to all, that bugs me. Did you feel angry, when bullied or kind of sedated / forgiving. Kind of oh-well, I am the victim, can't do anything about it. It comes and goes like a storm gathers. So did you feel angry. Do you hold that anger still? Hope Donna allows me to ask these questions on her thread. I think this may go to the heart of bully-autie rels. Because neuro-typicals do get angry in an instant. And they do want vengence. I never ever thought for vengence or felt the need for one. I felt, hey I can explain myself out of this. But always after it happened. So I'd be prepared next time. But of course I wasn't. Guess non of were :) One question to all, that bugs me.

Did you feel angry, when bullied or kind of sedated / forgiving.
Kind of oh-well, I am the victim, can’t do anything about it. It comes and goes like a storm gathers.

So did you feel angry. Do you hold that anger still? Hope Donna allows me to ask these questions on her thread.

I think this may go to the heart of bully-autie rels. Because neuro-typicals do get angry in an instant. And they do want vengence. I never ever thought for vengence or felt the need for one.

I felt, hey I can explain myself out of this. But always after it happened. So I’d be prepared next time. But of course I wasn’t.

Guess non of were :)

]]> By: Otti Newhouse http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-7557 Otti Newhouse Fri, 04 May 2007 01:03:07 +0000 http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-7557 Hi Donna, I tried to ask help to set up a group from http://www.autismvictoria.org.au. I also contacted beyondblue with the same wish. I doubt if they'll get back to me. I also left a post on the HFAD Fife forum (just one day before an apparent overhaul. That's my luck :) So no one answers as quickly as you do, good on you. I'll try your link and may be set up my list. See how I go. But I'll let you know about it. Yours is my best pointer so far. Otti http://www.fun-led-light.com/about_funledlight.html Hi Donna,

I tried to ask help to set up a group from http://www.autismvictoria.org.au.
I also contacted beyondblue with the same wish. I doubt if they’ll get back to me. I also left a post on the HFAD Fife forum (just one day before an apparent overhaul. That’s my luck :)
So no one answers as quickly as you do, good on you. I’ll try your link and may be set up my list. See how I go. But I’ll let you know about it.
Yours is my best pointer so far.

Otti
http://www.fun-led-light.com/about_funledlight.html

]]> By: donna http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-7530 donna Thu, 03 May 2007 03:22:28 +0000 http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-7530 Hi Otti, have you looked at www.auties.org ? we have activities clubs and dinner clubs for people on the spectrum, including some listed in Victoria. if there's nothing directly near you then www.auties.org is also where you can start your own and let others know about it. check it out. :-) Donna *) Hi Otti,

have you looked at http://www.auties.org ?
we have activities clubs and dinner clubs for people on the spectrum, including some listed in Victoria.

if there’s nothing directly near you then http://www.auties.org is also where you can start your own and let others know about it.

check it out.

:-) Donna *)

]]> By: Otti Newhouse http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-7527 Otti Newhouse Thu, 03 May 2007 00:31:32 +0000 http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-7527 Hi Donna, I respect your opinion on this. But bullying is the rule of the jungle. It always was alway will be. I don't endorse it and I was bullied like hell in high school. In Uni bullying took the form of quiet ignorance. It was hell too. Yet I never did wise up to the fact that I was so obviously different. To me that was the norm, and they were different. Knowing what you are, knowing your limits is empowering. I am now on the other side of 40 and could and could NOW recognize the symptom in relatives, BEFORE i actually faced the chilling reality that I myself is a classis HFAD. Personally think that parents should nurture and build a character of steel in their "endangered" child. They should also be tought the power in their difference. Many of us are born leaders with a debilitating lack of social skills. Some make it to self-transformation to high offices in adulthood without knowing that they inflict social stress on their subordinates daily. I am now empowered by knowing my condition. In fact facing the prospect of not having any rehabilitative reference groups in Victoria, Australia I decided to set up one for adult males, such as myself. I wonder if you would know of any suitable help. It feels good to talk to someone who can listen. Ably auties don't enjoy of being alone, they just need motivation. Bless your heart Donna O Newhouse Hi Donna,
I respect your opinion on this.
But bullying is the rule of the jungle. It always was alway will be. I don’t endorse it and I was bullied like hell in high school. In Uni bullying took the form of quiet ignorance. It was hell too.
Yet I never did wise up to the fact that I was so obviously different. To me that was the norm, and they were different.
Knowing what you are, knowing your limits is empowering.
I am now on the other side of 40 and could and could NOW recognize the symptom in relatives, BEFORE i actually faced the chilling reality that I myself is a classis HFAD.
Personally think that parents should nurture and build a character of steel in their “endangered” child. They should also be tought the power in their difference. Many of us are born leaders with a debilitating lack of social skills. Some make it to self-transformation to high offices in adulthood without knowing that they inflict social stress on their subordinates daily.
I am now empowered by knowing my condition.
In fact facing the prospect of not having any rehabilitative reference groups in Victoria, Australia I decided to set up one for adult males, such as myself. I wonder if you would know of any suitable help.
It feels good to talk to someone who can listen.
Ably auties don’t enjoy of being alone, they just need motivation.
Bless your heart Donna
O Newhouse

]]> By: donna http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-6797 donna Mon, 09 Apr 2007 21:59:27 +0000 http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2007/04/07/bullies-its-time-to-reconsider-whats-normal/#comment-6797 A simultaneous processing of sense of self and other is one in which people can read a facial expression/body language/keep up with incoming language and actions of another person WHILST consciously experiencing their own expression, thoughts, feelings with the capacity to monitor and alter those according to perceived social or personal interests. In a lack of simultaneous processing of self and other one perceives other but loses processing, expression, monitoring on the self level or, conversely experiences self but cannot process, monitor or modify according to information that is simultaneously coming from a source that is 'other'. I wrote extensively about this in my 9 books, perhaps most clearly in Everyday Heaven, and in The Jumbled Jigsaw. ... Donna Williams www.donnawilliams.net A simultaneous processing of sense of self and other is one in which people can read a facial expression/body language/keep up with incoming language and actions of another person WHILST consciously experiencing their own expression, thoughts, feelings with the capacity to monitor and alter those according to perceived social or personal interests.

In a lack of simultaneous processing of self and other one perceives other but loses processing, expression, monitoring on the self level or, conversely experiences self but cannot process, monitor or modify according to information that is simultaneously coming from a source that is ‘other’.

I wrote extensively about this in my 9 books, perhaps most clearly in Everyday Heaven, and in The Jumbled Jigsaw.

… Donna Williams
http://www.donnawilliams.net

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