EMO - wasn’t he on Sesame Street?
When two Australian high school teenagers and My Space enthusiasts, were found hanging from a tree, the word EMO began informing those of us over 30 of the a youth culture many of us have no idea about. Their double suicide was within days of the Virginia shootings in which a student killed 33 people on his college campus. In a world where notoriety is the new status, was this co-incidence? Why did these teens post their own cryptic RIP type messages on public chat rooms? Why declare one’s depth of love for others the day before killing oneself if one didn’t have enough caring for oneself to avoid the compulsion to commit this group suicide?
For the lay person, there’s those who only dress like EMOs or are into EMO music and don’t do the whole EMO thing, even despise the way the self-harm/suicide clans reflect badly on their group. But there are also those who do embrace the whole EMO culture, self harm and suicide fascination with it.
Like the goths of the Victorian era, those into the full EMO thing are said to indulge in passion like chocoholics indulge Tim Tams. They are described as dripping with melodrama and pathos. When criticised that their pain is not genuine but contrived they are known to match this with ‘evidence’ provided by often bravado-related self harm episodes and progressive self isolation which they claim are expressions of the depths which others don’t understand them or care.
Emotional blackmail can be part of the process and comes with the territory. Because those indulging the EMO thing are so invested in the associated status and power of their self harming roles, gaining them professional treatment can sometimes mean they are compelled to make themselves so ‘deeply pained’ as to prove ‘treatment resistant’. In the full blown EMO heirachy the person proving the deepest, most genuine, most urgent pain, can become the focus, the buzz, of the group, so climbing that heirarchy can mean one must be prepared to be pretty ghastly to oneself.
Clearly reminding such people that many children in third world countries are dying of malnutrition, AIDS and facing child labor and prostitution isn’t likely to rock their boat because you’re only offering them an opt out of the heirarchy. Why should they take that opt out, its a game and they intend to move from dabblers to be key players if not ‘winners’. Ultimately, the highest proof for self-harmers of how genuine their pain supposedly is, the way to reach that star position, is suicide.
But this type of passion is not a passion for happiness, its a passion for self pity and an almost religious, self-hypnotic group reinforcement that ‘life is pain’ and that nobody understands an EMO like another EMO. Hence, those into the self-harm and suicide thing may turn to chat rooms to support each other, play ‘rescue me’ and ‘poor me’ mind games with each other and themselves, and tease each other into ‘learning the truth’ or ‘confessing’ to their latest slash, jab, burn or overdose episode.
Like all addictive and obsessive-compulsive indulgences, there are emotional fixes people get bleeding their hormones for seemingly endless sappy emotion to bathe themselves in, getting high on the promise of an audience, a rescue or the ‘dirty little’ secret ‘nobody knows’ that they are a self harmer and everyone is going to remember them with such deep sorrow, so deep, so passionate, exactly as the self-harmer culture itself would dictate.
But this type of EMO isn’t conformist, are they? How could they be? They’re goth, punk hybrids. These were hardly conformist movements. Think again. Conformity isn’t a world of conservatism. Conformist-nonconformity is a concept in sociology and has been around for decades. Today conformist-nonconformity is a global phenomenon as authoritarian, dictatorial, and filled with its own inherent potential stigmas for any who dare the real individuality to say ‘it gets old’. Individuality, true individuality, is one of the lonliest of life’s paths.
Real eccentrics are hard if not impossible to categorise. These days, no pigeon hole, no group, no group, no ‘friends’. Well, at least that’s the assumption. But does a bunch of anonymous strangers clicking a button to introduce themselves really amount to an internal feeling of achieving friendship? What if you thought it did? What if your subculture convinced you this was the real deal and all there was? Would you dare question the emptiness? And if you did would you use that as ammunition to further wallow in self pity or as a prompt to do something more constructive?
It’s always very PC after events like this, to do the grieving and presume undiagnosed depression. But are we open minded enough to look beyond our sugaring of such events and consider concepts like self-murder, exhibitionism , cult-like group mentality, even culturally promoted personality disorders? Perhaps it is not pity that’s required but understanding of a sociological phenomena.
This little number was posted by a reader.
It was a little too hate laden to publish directly but given this article is a sociological study of EMO culture, his voice is worth hearing… here it is.
excuse me, but **** you. Your publishing of this very un-educated blog makes me extremely angry. If you would kindly take a quick look at my myspace photos you will notice i am concidered to dress as an “emo”, i am a teenager at an alternative school so i am constantly around others not unlike myself so i believe you should SHUT UP AND LISTEN and mabey you will learn a thing or two.
1. “non-conformist” means that you do not conform to the “mainstream”. you are into different things to the majority of others, such as music, fassion, you may have more political awareness than others and you will find a hell of a lot more vegetarians and vegans within this culture deemed “alternative” (again, to the mainstream). These are people who aren’t caught up in “what vogue magazine is telling me to wear”, “how many chicks i got under my belt” or folly childish things as JUDGEMENT ON APPEARANCE.
2. Yes of corse you will have the attention seekers, and they will play out the “emotional” thing, but like i said i know alot of people who fall into the catagory of “emo” that do NOT inflict self harm and find the whole idea quite ridiculous. In fact i dont know a single person that inflicts harm apon themselves intentionally.
3. Ever heard of “straight edge”?? oh wait, thats right. you DIDN’T RESEARCH THE TOPIC PROPERLY AND WOULD HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA ABOUT IT!
They are alternative kids who set out to do everything right, possibly as you would find many heavy christian people doing. They mark themselves with “XXX”. It means STRICTLY no alcohol, drugs, self harm, smoking and many of them also take on vegetarian and vegan status.
i am so angry now i dont know if i’ve missed anything. your just going to have to deal with whats here.
Anyway, I replied to this passionate young man as follows…..
well, kindness will get you everywhere
seems you’ve never encountered the term
‘conformist-nonconformist’
might help if you looked it up.
Its been around for decades in the field of Sociology
Sociology is the study of social dynamics - what happens in cultures and in society.
Given I credit you with reasonable intelligence in spite of your lack of emotional self control
I decided to at least reply and see if you might like to be a little more coherent this time.
As for non-conformists, I’m certainly one of them.
I’m certainly not personally much for ’straight edge’ myself and certainly am not religious, Christian nor try and do everything right (I’d sure hope I never achieve flawlessness, which I’m relieved to be sure is impossible in any case and those who claim it are living facades) but I’m certainly into choice and if people want to make the choice to be in whatever pigeon hole they like - conformist or conformistly non-conformist, that’s their freedom
I’m also totally all for those who choose to non-conform to the dictates of any subculture, straight, bend, curly or otherwise.
Sorry you’ve taken the article as some kind of personal insult
but I guess maybe you aren’t equipped to grasp that its just a philosophical exploration.
All the best to you in any case.
Shine on.
Donna *)
alright then i’ll try again.
forgive me, I do have asperger’s and i got a bit worked up before.
Emo is short for Emotional. People seem to think this means depressed, but emotional is a far broader term than just that. Why does everyone ignore the rest of the human emotions?
rebuttle time (this is the part i like alot)
1. i wasn’t meaning to imply that “straight edge” people wished to achive perfection and flawlessness, they merely believe that they dont need any assistance in being happy or having fun (alcohol and drugs) and they are not neccesarily religious.
2. you cant do anything these days without copying someone, or “conforming”. And in the unlikely case you do its not for long because people will like what your doing and do the same, and so on consuming a large population in a short time. Besides, it gives people a sense of belonging and comfort which is a good thing, unless (in the case of a magazine publication) they are telling you that you should idolise anorexic people for how thin they are. Or how to have really satisfying sex. Or how to seduce selected sex, which is more than just a common occourance in magazines like “dolly”, “girlfriend”, “Ralph” and “FHM” who’s target audience is tweens to 16’s. The last magazine I read, and that most alternative kids would be reading contained CD reviews, band interviews and (hang on i’ll just go get it)….band merchandise….and some artworks. Hmmm….lets find out whats on in Girlfriend magazine. OOhh! a web poll. “What’s the worst kind of boy behaviour around?” options “Being distant, Dumping you without a good reason, Lack of sensitivity to your feelings, Playing games”. Catty much? Oh, and theres a contest to win this make-up which they deem “essential”. So i guess none of us can live without make-up. Lovely. Amusing: “a look so hot, you’ll need to put it on ice.” (in reference to the makeup)…….reading on makes me sick. i’ll just leave you with this link
http://au.blogs.yahoo.com/girlfriend/1627/five-dating-lessons-you-can-learn-from-celebs/
Have a bucket ready you it is a real possibility that you will be very sick.
I think i’m more comfortable worrying about what gig to go to with my friends than “recycling your ex” (as mentionen in the link).
I took the article much the same as i did researching the lead singer of the Vine’s articles on Asperger’s. People say things like “OMG HE’S RETARDED!!” etc. do you see what i mean? It wasn’t posed quite like a (quote) “philosophical exploration” as much as it was a ‘matter of fact, i know everything about this.”
Maybe I live under a rock or I’m too eccentric to notice that ‘everyone’ is ignoring the full range of emotions. I’m SURE some people are FOR SURE… they can be scary with their plastic smiles and dead eyes…. eeek. But being happy shouldn’t be uncool either, like REAL happy or being nuts enough to find simple things make one buzz and I don’t mean checked shirts and apple trees on blue sky days either. Personally, green fluorescent opaque plastic, red patent leather and black crystal chandeliers make me smile
“you cant do anything these days without copying someone, or “conforming”. And in the unlikely case you do its not for long because people will like what your doing and do the same”
loved this bit you wrote…. SO TRUE
I’m weird enough without trying and generally pretty pleased to leave that be, but yep, you betcha, its somehow contagious. Clones are scary.
I can promise that yes, the glossies create a scary world of G-stringed Bratz-mutant Barbie-borgs and MTV clones with one emotional tone- disrespect, selfishness, aggression - yo, yo, yo and I’m screaming my head off, what happened to the subtlety, where’s the diversity… and all I hear sometimes is echo,… then gladly I’m autie enough to lose track again and end up of in the createssphere somewhere. I’d sure hate to be 13-18 again…. aiaiaiai.
disillusionment sure has its sound bases these days, but I’d hate to see it become yet another one tone track. People are becoming like ice cream flavours these days. What happened to good ol fashioned multiplicity
feel free to drop by http://www.auties.org by the way and see if you’d like to list your bass playing skills. It’s all free.
Sorry my explorations sounded like ‘I know everything’ but whilst I’m totally ‘matter of fact’, I’m certain I’m no expert on youth culture. Heck, I’m almost 45!
Thank you both for having such a frank and open discussion on this topic - I have found it very informative and I hope others do too.
Hi Katherine,
good to see you dropping by.
yeah i know, your about the same age as my mother. I believe you know of her
Yes Joel,
seems you have a somewhat autie pedigree there
they say all of us are only 6 degrees removed from each other.
so someone always knows someone who knows someone who…….
Donna,
How dare you write this stuff about muy daughter. You haveno idea what she was like and I am disgusted to see this crap on the net.
What is wrong with you perople?
Just leave us be….. PLEASE!!!!!
Rob
Hi Rob,
The article is actually about different angles of EMO culture. A sudden surge of interest in EMO culture among those over 30 was triggered by the very unusual and public event (ie on My Space prior to the events) of a teenage double suicide.
Sociologists explore cultural events and movements and this is something people will explore as a cultural phenomenon to be understood, although for the families of these teens it may always be felt as a highly personal event.
Perhaps my message that the actions of these teens needed to be unclouded by pity and my belief that understanding was more constructive than pity is not that which you personally wished to hear but I’m in fact simply a human being in a world of information trying to understand a cultural movement of which these teens were cited as being a part of.
In any case I’ve respected your desire to make your response public.
… Donna.
Many people puzzle over countercultures. They say that even thought they do not conform to the mainstream, they still conform to each other. My response is that is the point. The idea is not to be non-conformist as it is to deviate from the dominant culture, and they do this because they do not feel welcome. So they seek out others who feel unwelcome for the same reasons, and a counterculture is born.
There are many different variations of every counterculture, too. For example, you are not just Goth, but Romantigoth, Cybergoth, etc. And most Emos are into the scene, and are into the passion, but are still functional and have other facets to their lives. The bottom line is, whether you are in a counterculture or the mainstream, it is impossible to conform conpletely to anything. Every person is themselves, no matter what. And it is impossible to be a total non-conformist, because there are certain things that every human has in common, and as naturally social beings, we want that. We all want to belong somewhere, to be loved, and so on. So to me, this whole debate over conformist vs. noncomformist makes no sense. We are all, in a sense, both, and we join countercultures because we do not fit in with *most*; it is not about being a totally separate individual. Otherwise, there would BE no culture.
Back to the story itself, I would be very interested in the backgrounds of these teens, and the other members of these self-harm clans. People who are that desperate for sympathy DO have other issues, and obviously, people like that have a counterculture of their own, but it has a harmful side to it. It reminds me of Munchausen (by Proxy) Syndrome. People feign illness in themselves or others in order to receive attention and sympathy they cannot get any other way.
When it comes to pain, we all have pain, for different reasons, and to different degrees. Often, it is not apparent to outsiders, but it is there. Other times it is obvious. People with mental illness do not suffer the pain of a physical illness, but they are just as sick. How do we grade pain? Some people definitely suffer more than others overall, but any time there is any suffering, it should be reated before it gets worse. All the major sufferings started out as mild ones, and pain is pain, when you get right down to it.
What’s the point of this tirade? You mentioned how hard-core Emos are not swayed by stories of what children in third-world nations experience. They are uninterested in anything but their own pain, and often, it is not real. They try to find every excuse to feel suffering, and to milk it for all it is worth. They are emotional masochists (not that I have much right to accuse others of being masochists, lol). The idea is that ALL pain is important to empathize with and address, but Emos take it to a whole new level. And it is because all pain is important that we must do what we can to extend our help to others. You have to take just as much care of yourself, because if you are run ragged you are no use to anybody, but do not be selfish, either. Besides, if you help others, others may help you. I speak ONLY of hard-core Emos here. Most Emos are nothing like those that committed suicide as part of their indulgence. All in all, I understand the intent of this article, and will not go medieval. I am partially Emo myself, although I really prefer Goth/BDSM.
Acually, there is ‘The Emo Song,’ told from an Emo point of view, that calls Emo a “bad, cheap imitation of Goth.”:) Well, I cannnot argue completely.:)
’d sure hate to be 13-18 again…. aiaiaiai.
And what may I ask is wrong with those ages? For me, between 13-18 has been a real treat! Sure, that stage of my life has a very negative side, but also a very positive side. Then again, so did my childhood, and so will my adulthood. After all, I was 17 when I put on the world’s gutsiest, and naughtiest, U.S. history presentation, a priceless memory that I will forever see as a highlight of my life…
Being a teenager can be really, really fun.:)