Comments on: Where do Aspie men meet Aspie women?

By: haley

haley — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 15:44:31 +0000

I’m a girl in my 20s recently diagnosed with Asperger’s. I’ve been in only a couple of relationships with NTs. They both started out OK but were short-lived and looking back I feel I didn’t really connect with those people. Since finding out I have Asperger’s, I’ve sought aspie resources like forums and support groups and have realized that I’m very attracted to aspie guys because I feel they can get me and I can get them. It’s kind of funny reading this article because I often ask myself, where do I meet aspie men?

By: Rita

Rita — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:08:36 +0000

Thank you, Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you,Thank you.
You are so wise. I will keep your words in mind. And paper. : )

By: donna

donna — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 02:12:15 +0000

1) don’t panic
2) what happened happened to you and to your husband, not to him, so don’t gift him your own PTSD
3) remember that instead of teaching auties to not push, pinch, bite, squeal we should be teaching them WHEN to do so and that can be done through social stories using the person’s favorite characters.
4) give them a personal alarm they can have attached to a belt ring so they can pull the pin on it if they can’t scream or run but need to draw attention.
5) remember that most abuse is by known people, not strangers so that’s most people you don’t have to worry too much about or the odds are too slim to be worth the cost of imposing paranoia on the child.
6) be cautious of people who are too eager to grease up to the family or feel they have a ‘calling’ to care for kids, especially functionally non-verbal ones… of the three individuals who got access to my room, one claimed to want to go tuck me in, the other two disappeared during parties due to my family’s neglect, the second of which was known to be in there and put over that he was befriending me. Another who did NOT abuse me had access to my room as a tradesperson when I was about 9-10 and just observed me but once I was an adult got sexually involved with me. So it shows how these visitors managed their way into my room.
7) if the grandparents are warm, well adjusted people with no history of physical or emotional abuse, don’t be paranoid, trust your gut… you’ll know when people are slimy or ‘too good to be true’.
8 ) remember that most kids survive abuse which is not ongoing. It does often alter them, but they still grow up to be healthy human beings in most regards, particularly with sensible and good therapy even decades later, so don’t imagine that abuse 100% destroys all people at all times to a complete degree.
9) failing to enjoy and celebrate life and it’s opportunities is likely far more damaging.
10) over-care can be stifling, debilitating, reinforce low confidence in the world and pass on ‘baggage’.

Hope that was useful to you.

Donna *)

By: Rita

Rita — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 01:56:08 +0000

Hi Donna!
As o mother of an autistic child your comment about abuse to a non verbal child really resonate with my worries about my non verbal son. Both I and my husband were abused, sexually, when we were children, each by a person we trusted. I never told my family about it and he only told me. So you can imagine how great are our concerns about this issue. We don’t know who to trust, I even feel bad to leave the boy with he’s paternal grandparents. One of my great objectives in raising my child is to teach him assertiveness as opposed to my lack f it until my 30’s. In fact I was able to do it to all my nephews (have 16 of them), I wanted them to be very sure of themselves and to not let anyone mannipulate them into anything they feel is wrong. And now I want to do it to my son but he didn’t came with instructions and I have to do what therapists tell me to do because I want hi,m to be happy in the future. I also noticed that my husbands education made him to dependent on his mother’s opinions and I don’t want her to pass this to my son. I want him an independent thinker as far as it is possible. Independent even from me because I now I will probably die before him (and that’s the way it should be). So, please Donna and anyone who reads this and feel that can give me some pointers in how to achieve this, I would be ever so grateful.
Thanks

By: Ryan

Ryan — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 03:04:17 +0000

Glad to hear that you found someone…Please don’t misconstrue what I’m about to say, the whole net thing isn’t always what many say it is as quite a few people lie and not to forget about all of the wierdos that are out there. Speaking for myself as an adult living with Aspergers, I’ve always been a bit more forward than most of my friends on the Spectrum. Perhaps this is because I’m from a big city and have never had a choice but learn how to be forward and aggressive in some ways (in order to survive and live). Getting back to what I was saying, and please don’t take this the wrong way or think that I am being negative…the majority of people out there (Spectrum and NT - I’ve dated more who aren’t on the Spectrum and a few who are as well) like to play games and hurt others. That’s just the way it is…Having said that, it makes it more difficult for an honest guy to find someone who is good.

By: K

Sat, 31 May 2008 20:06:57 +0000

I am an autistic woman with a boyfriend diagnosed with ADD and certainly on the spectrum in my opinion. We
met online, in my opinion the very best place to find a partner because we got to talk first in a no pressure
environment in which I could understand all that he said. Luckily also he wasn’t afraid to start things off
because I’m far from likely to do that.

By: Ryan

Ryan — Thu, 29 May 2008 03:19:25 +0000

Donna, Thank you. I’ll take a look at everything…Have you ever worked with Bill Stillman? We know one another.

Christine, Its a shame your out on the West coast. I’d like to meet you. Anyone on the blog from the East coast? Anyone at all? Interested in possibly meeting over coffee at some point? Hmmm, maybe my overexuberance to meet others is pushing away my sensitive nature…lol

Evening friends,

By: donna

donna — Thu, 29 May 2008 02:40:35 +0000

Hi Ryan,

I guess the blog is my newsletter of sorts.
there are mailing lists for the website.
there’s a Donna-fans list (quirky, anything donna-ish)
and a Donna-autism list (strictly autism related)
a Donna-arts list (arts related)
a Nobody Nowhere Film list. (to be informed of film related new re NN).

By: Ryan

Ryan — Thu, 29 May 2008 01:56:28 +0000

Hello Christine, No worries. That is a bit of a distance. If you want to chat over email, drop me a line. I’d like to chat with you on either email or IM.

Donna, do you have a current newsletter for your website?

Evening all

By: Christine

Christine — Wed, 28 May 2008 23:15:25 +0000

I appreciate your straightforwardness about the difficult things you went through when you were younger, Donna. I have had some similar experiences, though not as extreme. But still, that kind of thing doesn’t have to be extreme to be damaging. I also did a lot of mimicry of my friends’ behaviors toward guys or approximating what I thought to be ‘normal.’ Then I would just cover up any unpleasant results by acting like it was my choice and that I was having lots of fun when that was far from the truth. I basically built a personality that was completely opposite my real one. I no longer operate through this false personality however because the results of it became intolerably painful and confusing. Since getting rid of it I actually feel much better even though it is difficult to act ‘like myself’ at times it is infinitely less stressful in the long run.
I don’t mean to ignore your comment Ryan, but I live on the West Coast so that is a bit far away for us to meet. But thanks.