Comments on: Explaining autism in simple terms

By: donna

donna — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 03:21:39 +0000

No, I actually agree with you. It’s an old article, 2007. I was much more emotionally ‘autistic’ at that time and didn’t care if anyone loved me… that was entirely up to them… not because I didn’t care or empathise with their feelings… I did… just I perceived people as essentially islands, that each has feelings in isolation, just because they do… and in 2007 I interacted largely that way… in parallel, in an indirectly confrontational manner, more ‘cat’, less ‘dog’… I lived according to ‘simply being’… that people didn’t owe me anything and vice versa…. and that doesn’t need to be cold or dismissive, but it is very solitary… and solitary didn’t necessarily mean alone, it meant being in a room together and enjoying the company without overtly paying it any mind… for others that looks ‘autistic’ but my husband worked the same way, he was quite at home with that solitary style. So I think it is very painful when one has that style and the other doesn’t have that style at all… then it feels to them excluding, ignoring, and its not, not from the Solitary’s perspective… its like saying a cat which chooses to stay in the room with you is therefore ignoring you unless its all over you like a dog might be… not true… but to some people it would surely seem that way, until they realise that if the cat were uncomfortable with their presence it would have left.

Re financially, even through homelessness and unemployment I have been relatively self supporting since the age of 15. I’m extremely autonomous, always was. So even though relationships meant shared rent in my intermittently homeless teens, relationships have never meant financial support in my world, not then, not now.

So, anyway, yes, its 2010 and I’m less ‘Schizoid’/Solitary, I’m far more privilege aware re warm fuzzy non-solitaries, their perception, their needs and my own non-solitary traits have had a chance to catch up and explore so I find their reality more relateable now. But if it helps you, my testimonials show people find me warm, supportive, approachable, so I have at least structured my life to have a balance of social openness and solitude.

Donna.

By: USAdeb

USAdeb — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 00:53:41 +0000

Hi Donna,

New visitor here…

Forgive me if I’ve missed something, but aren’t you married? You say you are “solitary” and “luke warm on whether anyone cares if I’m alive or dead… less responsibility if nobody cares”.

But – if you’re married, how do you reconcile these statements with the fact that you *do* in fact have someone who (presumably) cares whether you’re alive or dead?

It seems a bit facile and glib to me (as a person who has no emotional support system) to be so (apparently) dismissive of a stable relationship which has provided you a lot of support and security.

In a way, it’s a kind of privilege-blindness – not everyone is able to achieve such relationships in their lives. Having a supportive person can make all the difference to one’s mental, physical, financial and emotional survival and long-term health. It can make the difference between surviving and not, literally…

If I’ve drastically misunderstood something, I apologize – this is just a bit of a sore spot for me, when I hear people dismissing significant relationships in their lives as being of no consequence, apparently unaware of how *hugely important* such relationships are to one’s mental health and well-being.

Sorry if that got a bit long and ranty.

By: donna

donna — Sat, 29 May 2010 23:36:56 +0000

yes,

2 meetings a week
one for the parents – a professional development meeting
one with the kids, the music/art session

Now…. to get training

YOU TUBE is your friend… You Tube has beginners music and art lessons and find 10-12 of them, favorite them, invite the other parents over for a weekly professional development meeting, explore each lesson with them then organise to replicate it for the kids group.

there are also activity books with simple music and art lessons.

if you’re still stuck, you can book a series of Skype consultations ( http://www.donnawilliams.net/emailconsult.0.html )with me and I’ll help you with ‘lesson plans’.

Donna *)

By: Trish Cox

Trish Cox — Sat, 29 May 2010 20:38:53 +0000

Donna, My son has autism an I am a member of the local autism society. We know that children with autism can make gains from interaction with music and art and would like to start an art program but none of us are artists and don’t know how to start such a program. Do you have any advice for us or know of any resources we could use? We are in Chattanooga,Tennessee, USA.

By: Autism « Jenny's Blog

Autism « Jenny's Blog — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 15:08:56 +0000

[...] Explaining autism in simple terms [...]

By: donna

donna — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 05:39:16 +0000

glad you saved your money. I’ve known hundreds of adults dx’d on the spectrum. Those with autism and non-verbal but with typed speech have sometimes been amazingly insightful and profound. There’s nothing about having Tourette’s, OCD, bipolar, depression, speech aphasia, dyspraxia or visual-verbal agnosias which would necessarily make someone dx’d with ‘autism’ lack insight. I do find the women with Asperger’s tend to have more self conceptualisation than the men, but I’d say of the men with it, I’d say at a guess, 70% of the women with AS I’ve know can self conceptualise and perhaps 40% of the men. Social emotional agnosia is common in those with AS and this means many live only in a world of facts and don’t reflect emotionally, socially. But whilst most people with AS have social emotional agnosia I think only a percentage of those with autism do, as they tend to have more meaning deafness and meaning blindness instead and, hence, compensate in other ways. The insight that emerged through my writing was absolutely not present consciously at the time. My writing is automatic and has taught me much about my own unknown knowing.

By: pamela mawbey

pamela mawbey — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 04:49:58 +0000

Hi Donna
Yesterday I saw a new shrink. He said people with Aspergers Syndrome cannot ‘self-conceptualise’ and that I was not AS because I could. Do you know anything about this? It seems to me that you can self-conceptualise. He behaved like he thought he was God, basing his assessment on what I said without asking me any questions. I walked out after 15 minutes, saving myself the $330 he was going to charge me for the privilege of abusing me.

By: donna

donna — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 22:28:41 +0000

well mercurials and sensitives sure do do loneliness!

By: pamela mawbey

pamela mawbey — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 13:54:52 +0000

I think it is impossible to imagine what it must be like to be totally alone if you have managed to establish relationships with people who value and support you. I’m still struggling to do that. An earlier diagnosis would have helped. At my age, 61, I am noticing signs of ageing like loss of memory and a general slowing down which make it more scarey being alone. I was totally oblivious to my aloneness until a couple of years ago when a surgeon refused to operate on me because I had no one to take me home after the anaesthetic. I would describe myself as mercurial and sensitive as well as creative and artistic. Perhaps it’s about where I live, on Sydney’s stuffy and snobbish North Shore, that I can’t find other people like me. Kindred spirits are what I need.

By: donna

donna — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 10:12:47 +0000

eww not for me, would scare the heck out of me. I’m a solitary, very vigilant, idiosyncratic, I love my own world… I’m rather luke warm on whether anyone cares if I’m alive or dead… less responsibility if nobody cares I don’t have to worry about their feelings, their loss etc… freedom to get sick, to die, to go AWOL… sounds good to me.

but other personalities feel aloneness acutely, especially the mercurial and the sensitive and the devoted traits which tend to do the joined at the hip thing… look them up. http://www.ptypes.com/type_passions.html

not convinced support is their answer. I’ve found sink of swim brings out far more in them than hand holding, even if they’d crave it.