Almost eradicated in the 1940s with the use of cod liver oil given to children and encouragement to get out in the sun and play, it was so rare in the 1960s, when I had it, that when my two cousins had it apparently made the papers. My own case didn’t but I expect it drew attention from the GP and welfare services and had some relationship to me being taken into a welfare centre program for at risk children from 6mths old until I was 2 and a half.

I had apparently had jaundice at 6 months old (you can see I’m ‘tanned’ in the pic at 4mths old, in fact I’m actually a very pale person and don’t tan) and colic and recurrent infections but I was never told about the Rickets. Probably because in the 1960s such cases would instantly have flagged ‘neglect’. By 2 and a half I had spent my weekdays being fed and in the sunshine of Northcote Day Nursery (at that time, 1965, it was a welfare program for at risk children, today it is a regular nursery) so if Rickets had merely been an episode in my infancy then all that should have remained would have been the bone deformities.

But at 2 and a half I was in a three day hospital assessment at St Elmo’s hospital. According to my father and my aunt, I was there primarily because of queries as to whether I was deaf or had leukemia (as I didn’t respond and had easy bruising, bleeding gums and my eyelashes coming out). The result was I was diagnosed as psychotic, infantile psychosis, which is what autism was considered to be in the 1960s. Was Rickets unrelated?

According to my father and aunt there were other developmental delays. I struggled to stand or walk (not surprising with Rickets) but was also late with toileting, which I managed by the age of 3 and a half. I remember I had shoes I knew as ‘click clacks’ from the sound they made. I had them from around age 4 to 6. They were heavy leather school shoes with press down ‘caliper’ style metal buckles that didn’t leave any room for my feet to twist. Not sure what did the trick but I obviously came to walk fine.

The developmental issues went together with physical health issues. I remained on fairly constant antibiotics for recurrent infections and as an adult was diagnosed with the primary immune deficiencies, food allergies and food intolerances I’d apparently had all my life.

The Q angle of my knees in the above picture was 25 degrees. The normal Q angle for a female child aged 7-8 is 7-11 degrees.

At age 9 my teeth were horrendous and I required fillings to most of my teeth. My mother was told that I would probably have false teeth by adulthood and that I had a calcium metabolism problem. She, herself, would tell people that when pregnant with me she had lost all her teeth so there may have been some truth in this. With her being an alcoholic when I was born, she was likely already D or calcium deficient but its equally possible that with two cousins developing Rickets in the 60s when I also did that it may have been more than just us both being born to alcoholic mothers. They may well have already had their own metabolic disorders. With being on supplements since age 9-11 I got to keep my teeth into adulthood though they were yellow and pitted and so I have veneers covering them top and bottom so instead they present a ‘picture of health’.

At age 9, I was the second shortest girl in the school. I may have been 3ft 3″ as I remember being 3ft 3″ in grade 3, so 39 inches, the average being 47. So was put on zinc, C, multivitamin-minerals. As a result of grew to 61 inches (5ft 1″) by age 12 with associated severe bone and joint pain. and was put onto zinc, vitamin C and multivitamin-minerals and three years later I was normal height at 5ft 1″ but with all the expected severe growth related pains of sped up sudden growth. I was also diagnosed with language processing disorder and the treatment of me changed accordingly and the combination of the nutritional interventions and communication interventions meant that by age 9-11 I went from 90% meaning deaf to only 50% meaning deaf and moved accordingly from echolalia to producing progressively functional communication. I had been put through intensive ballet training from age 5

to age 9 which hopefully improved bone strength for me but it certainly train me to support my spine with well developed thigh and lumbar muscles and taught me to turn my legs out which hid my now longer bowed legs. With spinal degeneration in my 40s, I’m glad of the supplements and ballet that might otherwise see me now with a far higher level of issues than I’m tackling.

As an adult I was diagnosed with a range of food allergies and intolerances, among which was casein intolerance. Had I been unable to digest cow’s milk in infancy (I was left with cow’s milk bottles, not breast fed) this may well have as easily contributed to my Rickets as having been reportedly left in my bedroom for my first 6 mths, so without adequate sunshine.

In spite of inability to have milk products, in adulthood, I had a diet that was rich in D and calcium and was perplexed that in spite of being on fish oils, eating chicken and fish and spending adequate time in the sun daily without a hat or suncream that I was D deficient. I went on to vitamin D drops and this normalised in my next blood results by the time I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

My case is only an anecdotal one but an extensively documented one nevertheless. Rickets, once an eradicated disease in modern societies is now back in epidemic proportions thanks to over zealous reactions to fear of skin cancer and lifestyle changes. Children who were once playing out in the sun without hats or sunscreen, play indoors or under sun shades whilst slathered in sunscreen. Children now rarely play in the street or walk to school.

Sure, skin cancer is real, but most skin cancers are basal cell carcinoma, essentially cosmetically harrowing but won’t kill you, squamous cell cancers generally start as harmless solar keratoses that are commonly picked up and gotten rid of before they develop into potentially deadly squamous cells, and melanoma, undoubtedly deadly, accounts for only 6% of skin cancers. Other allergies, immune problems, life long back pain and spine degeneration. Sometimes we need to get the overview, not fixate on a single detail. Its about balance.

With advancements in the study of the health issues of children with autism, new studies are finding a range of gut, immune, metabolic anomalies related to developmental delay and associated neurological, sensory perceptual, sensory integration, communication and motor planning development issues. Combine this with a set of personality traits predisposing a child to respond ‘autistically’ to chronic stress, disability or information overload and once those responses have become neurologically patterned, automatic and integrated into the child’s identity, strategies, adaptations and responses to the environment by age 3-5 and you may well have a recipe for a presentation and diagnosis of autism.

An article in The British Medical Journal, Vol 1, N.o 1379, in 1887 (yes, I did mean 1887, not 1987) mentioned impact of Rickets not only on bone development but on ‘derangements’ of the spleen, liver, heart and digestive system and urged for medicine to not overlook the neurological impacts of Rickets reported as far back as the mid 1800s, which included epilepsy (seizures, including absence seizures that may look like staring spells), Hyperesthesia(multiple sensory hypersensitivities), muscle weakness, tentany(causes involuntary muscle contractions and twitches) and ‘mental backwardness’(ie developmental delay, information processing disorders and learning disability).

It was still being discussed in 1939, 4 years before Kanner would coin the term ‘autism’. To quote from a recent article in Psychology Today:

“To my knowledge, the neuropsychiatric symptoms of rickets have not been studied in the modern era. However, at least two old papers have addressed it, both published before Kanner described autism in 1943. Both papers describe ‘weak mindedness,’‘feeble minds,’‘mental dullness,’ unresponsiveness and developmental delays. Even more intriguing, both papers report that the mental condition in rickets improved with vitamin D.”

you can read the whole article article“>here.

Whilst vitamin D levels are essential to normal brain development, the brain’s development, resilience and nutrition also depend on the gut (colon), immune, detox (kidney), blood sugar balance and enzyme production (pancreas).

“The VDR (vitamin D receptor) is present not only in tissues that regulate serum calcium, including the small intestine, bone cells, and kidney, but also in essentially all tissues and cells in the body, including brain, colon, breast, prostate, pancreas, heart, skin, skeletal muscle, monocytes, and activated T and B lymphocytes (essential parts of immune system function)” (1, 20–22, 24). http://www.jci.org/articles/view/29449

With the near eradication of Rickets in developed countries by the 1940s, all this history of knowledge and its potential relevance to autism was probably lost until around the 1970s skin cancer campaigns added lack of sun exposure to the lives of children who had never “done” cod liver oil as grandmothers had, often with dread and off the spoon, in the 1940s and 50s.

Today premature babies who would have died in the old days of daily cod liver oil, commonly survive. Yet many are born with D deficiency and in spite of this are given heavy vaccination regimes that such an undeveloped, unregulated immune system would perhaps be far more at risk of being overwhelmed by. Vitamin D deficiency impairs glutathione metabolism, which is essential for detox function. In a more heavily polluted society than in the 1940s and 50s, those with D deficiency could today more easily become further neurologically compromised through toxins they can’t detox from heavy metals and other toxins (probably including salicylate, a natural plant toxin) at the rate of most children.

Add to this a lack of breast feeding, lack of good bacteria in our now pasteurized milk and plants selectively bred to have higher and higher levels of the natural plant toxin, salicylate (because it deters insect attack) and you have a range of further exacerbation to gut and immune health in what may already compromised child. Then there’s the question of no standard testing of infant’s ability to digest lactose or casein so those who would also be at risk of Rickets that could be picked up before it wreaks havoc. There is also subclinical Rickets and inherited causes of Rickets.

The physical signs of autism are already widely noted and the similarities with vitamin D deficiency in Rickets are very strong. The differences may well reflect some of the additional flow on effects of D deficiency in our modern society. We have more polluted, toxin loaded, highly vaccinated, and more sunshine depleted infancies since the 1970s-80s sun phobic modern world than those writing about Rickets in the 1940s could have imagined.

But if children with autism had Rickets wouldn’t they all show the bone deformities so obvious in those with Rickets? It’s a great question. But keep in mind that gestational Rickets (during the mother’s pregnancy) means the fetus is still floating in fluid in the mother’s womb. The fetus has not yet sustained weight on their legs and the gravity effecting the arms in children with Rickets may be completely different whilst one has only ever floated, essentially weightless in fluid. What about the forehead? Do children with autism tend to have the protruding forehead seen in children with Rickets and associated with scull formation? The answer is, yes, people have noted this, particularly in Fragile X, one of the most common forms of autism. The flat feet in Fragile X is also a known sign of vitamin D deficiency. Large heads seen in people with autism also occurred in children with Rickets (known as rickety children) as per the following text from the mid 1800s:

“Scrofulous and rickety children are the most usual sufferers in this way. They are generally remarkable for large heads, great precocity of understanding, and small, delicate bodies. But in such instances, the great size of the brain, and the acuteness of the mind, are the results of morbid growth. Even with the best of management, the child passes the first years of its life constantly on the brink of active disease”. source:http://www.freefictionbooks.org/books/t/17810-a-treatise-on-anatomy-physiology-and-hygiene-re?start=191

In this (before Ricket’s was better understood) they wrote that when these precocious rickety infants then lost all their abilities and became ‘imbecile’ for the rest of their lives they believed the parents had essentially worn out the Rickety child’s brain. But the accounts do mirror what today is seen as ‘regressive autism’:

At what age particularly is excessive and continued mental exertion hurtful? Instead, however, of trying to repress its mental activity, the fond parents, misled by the early promise of genius too often excite it still further, by unceasing cultivation, and the never-failing stimulus of praise. Finding its progress for a time equal to their warmest wishes, they look forward with ecstasy to the day when its talents will break forth and shed lustre on its name.
But in exact proportion as the picture becomes brighter to their fancy, the probability of its being realized becomes less; for the brain, worn out by premature exertion, either becomes diseased, or loses its tone, leaving the mental powers imbecile and depressed for the remainder of life. The expected prodigy is thus easily outstripped in the social race by many whose dull outset promised him an easy victory”. source:http://www.freefictionbooks.org/books/t/17810-a-treatise-on-anatomy-physiology-and-hygiene-re?start=191

Further, Subclinical Rickets would not show the overt signs and would only be picked up on more careful scrutiny and testing.

In terms of autism, understanding of the prolific effects of early D deficiency may significantly advance the field.

Donna Williams, BA Hons, Dip Ed.
Author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter.
Autism consultant and public speaker.
http://www.donnawilliams.net

I acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the Traditional Owners of this country throughout Australia, and their connection to land and community.

This item originally posted here:

Rickets, vitamin D deficiency and autism

In other words, parents in the 60s and 70s created homemade individualised programs for their kids… then it became a payroll for patent junkies… take the power back… there’s enough online training there for any family to make a start for themselves…. what, you won’t do it perfectly, exactly as a highly paid professional? so what! maybe your adaptation will fit your particular child even better!

Working as a consultant with over 1000 families of kids with autism, I’m familiar with watching a vast number of kids in varying programs and which kids tended to get the most out of which types of programs.

TEACCH
I feel Teacch works best for kids who work best in solitude, enjoy and feel rewarded by solitude, like only intermittent social contact and prefer to be left to ‘get on with it’, are methodical, systematic, enjoy a high level of structure.

You can pay mega bucks and take a second mortgage …. or teach yourself TEACCH

OPTION/SONRISE
I feel Option/Sonrise is primarily a bonding program so it best fits kids who main obstacle is that for whatever reason (including severe sensory processing issues) display attachment disorders. Option/Sonrise is about winning a child’s trust but also teaching families how to observe and not invade. Done well, it is a relatively indirectly confrontational approach so may reasonably fit kids with Exposure Anxiety who have compulsive avoidance, diversion, retaliation responses.

You can pay mega bucks and take a second mortgage …. or teach yourself Sonrise/Option

FLOORTIME/RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT INTERVENTION (RDI)
These approaches are relatively indirectly confrontational approach so may reasonably fit kids with Exposure Anxiety who have compulsive avoidance, diversion, retaliation responses and those hypersensitive to the social claustrophobia of more directly confrontational compliance-based programs. Floortime/RDI both focus on using the child’s own interests and co-opting these into constructive activities rather than trying to force compliance of impose directions the child has no interest in. RDI would suit those who enjoy learning through doing and builds inherent reward into meaningful activities rather than relying on constant external rewards.

You can pay mega bucks and take a second mortgage …. or teach yourself Floortime
You can pay mega bucks and take a second mortgage… or… teach yourself RDI

APPLIED BEHAVIOURAL ANALYSIS (ABA)
This is a highly marketed, highly lucrative multi billion dollar INDUSTRY with vast offerings of jobs to new psychology graduates to earn up to $60,000 per family, per year to enter their home and take over as the expert in the home. That being the case expect that if you payroll such a service, exiting the program may not be as easy for you as entering it and you may find yourself having to argue the case for your right to make that choice.

Psychologists are wonderfully useful if you have a mental illness. Young children can be hypersensitive to being socially pursued by directly confrontational adults seeking to justify their own pay packets and if these therapists come from a perspective of viewing autism as ‘pathology’ in need of correction through an intensive compliance based program with external rewards, then this can lead to overdoing the child’s sense of itself as a ‘case’, a therapy case.

The ability to comply for external rewards is a skill that may fit with mainstream school and later employment. But applied intensively (ie up to 20 hrs per week) to a child under 3-4 years old, is in my view a precarious choice that should be weighed up with the child’s personality and equal opportunities to develop an identity broader than being an ABA ‘client’.

ABA may best suit kids who are highly motivated by continuous praise and naturally strive for external rewards. These are the type of personalities which will naturally be motivated by achievement, recognition, and admiration. Temple Grandin never had ABA but had a strict nanny she felt used an ABA style approach and so is an advocate of ABA. Temple may well have had the kind of natural drives that fitted this type of program but many children with autism will not fit this personality profile.

Those driven by a need for routine and acceptance may fall into a ‘pleaser role’ and be at risk of prompt dependency, learned helplessness and dependent personality disorder. Those with a high level of Exposure Anxiety or who are naturally Leisurely, Idiosyncratic, Solitary or highly Vigilant/Autonomous may be at more risk of developing progressive behavioral issues in a highly directly confrontational program like ABA. Subsequent development of acute anxiety disorders in these types of kids are not unheard of in those experiencing intensive ABA where they have experienced this as socially entrapping. The majority of ABA therapists are also female, often in their 20s and have not yet had children (nor autistic children) of their own and putting boys into intensive compliance based programs with these psychologists as their managers may have later implications for their identity development and rejection of skills they’d earlier complied with.

There is no reason why a family can’t set up and operate their own ABA style program if they wish to.
There is nothing highly qualified about intensively fixating on your child in a program with compliance as its basic goal and a system of external rewards in place. Parents can and have set up these programs for themselves in spite of being told by ABA therapists that they are not professional enough to do this ‘properly’ on their own. In fact families sometimes felt they ran the program better, more flexibly and more suited to their particular child.

You can pay mega bucks and take a second mortgage …. or teach yourself ABA.

You can also make a mixed program with an hour of three different approaches with breaks between programs or create one designed more specifically for your particular child.

Donna Williams, BA Hons, Dip Ed.
Author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter.
Autism consultant and public speaker.
http://www.donnawilliams.net

I acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the Traditional Owners of this country throughout Australia, and their connection to land and community.

This item originally posted here:

DIY Autism therapies… how to stop payrolling the professionals

Donna Williams, BA Hons, Dip Ed.
Author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter.
Autism consultant and public speaker.
http://www.donnawilliams.net

I acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the Traditional Owners of this country throughout Australia, and their connection to land and community.

This item originally posted here:

Naturally autistic?

we wish you all an abundance of music and merriment
that the sun shines enough to dance naked in the living room (at least)
that you get a good joke in a Christmas cracker
that you can see the funny side of a Nativity for sale in an undecorated Christmas window
that you have the courage to say ‘no thanks’ as well as the humility to remember all the things you are so grateful for
that you remember the third world without guilt but throw them at least a few crumbs from the abundance we enjoy
that you cry if you want to but never so long as to fall down rabbit holes and stay there
that you laugh at yourself more than worry about being fat, ugly, boring, stupid
and kiss your reflection just because its yours
and in reminder that we’re so lucky we get at least 10 years, 48 years or 98 years of good, bad and ugly on this earth
we wish you bubble baths and rubber duckies
we wish you Monty Python DVDs and daggy musicals
we wish you a fabulous goodbye to 2011 and hello to 2012

warmly,

Donna and Chris Samwellygog

–
Donna Williams, BA Hons, Dip Ed.
Author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter.
Autism consultant and public speaker.
http://www.donnawilliams.net

I acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the Traditional Owners of this country throughout Australia, and their connection to land and community.

This item originally posted here:

Merry Dagmas to you all

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE, AND QUALIFICATIONS

I was two years old in 1965. It was a time when autism was deemed ‘childhood psychosis’. After three days observation at St Elmo’s Private Hospital, I was diagnosed as ‘psychotic’. I was diagnosed with language processing disorder in late childhood around 1972 then later diagnosed with the tidier label of autism in 1990 by Australia’s most eminent autism experts, Dr Lawrie Bartak.

In the same year I built on my existing post graduate degree in sociology and degree in linguistics and did a Dip Ed, becoming a qualified teacher whilst progressively going on to author 9 published books in the field of autism, become an international public speaker since 1994, and an autism consultant since 1996. My text books are used in courses on special education & psychology. I have been hired by health services, human services and education departments to work with people in their care and provide training.

WHAT I DO

My job as a consultant is perhaps closest to being a ‘specialised case manager’ for hire. I assess ‘developmental fruit salads’ and I have worked with over a thousand families. I look at a person’s current communication, interaction, behavior, development. I then look at which low or no cost strategies might help that person lead a fuller life, better reach their potential and establish more harmonious relationships with those in their life.

QUALIFICATIONS AND RESEARCH INTERESTS

My qualifications are in linguistics, sociology (largely social psychology, social anthropology), teaching and I have wide experience in research, counseling, and advocacy. As such, I draw upon a wide range of research interests: gut, immune, metabolic issues, any co-occurring mental health issues, personality/identity/dissociative disorders, sensory perceptual and sensory processing disorders, motor planning issues, environments and their patterning.

THE AUTISM SPECTRUM:

There is ‘Autism’ the noun, the diagnosable condition. There is also ‘autistic‘ the describer, the adjective and any human being will have experienced some kinds of ‘autistic’ phases or moments. Today, Autism is still a singular word given of a range of conditions in a spectrum of ‘developmental disorders’ (some prefer to see them as ‘developmental differences’). However, given the diversity of people on the autism spectrum, these are actually AutismS. Looking closely at each individual, these can broken down into addressable ‘autism fruit salads’.

I have seen stereotypes busted. I have seen profoundly disabled human beings inspired to be more than their condition. I have seen the miracles of what those once written off can teach us. I have also seen the miracles of those without autism who dared to learn so much from those with it.

THE SPECTRUM OF DISSOCIATIVE DISORDERS:

Dissociation is the ability to cut off from what is happening around you or to you. In its simplest form it is daydreaming. It is a skill all children have and which children with autism tend to overdevelop in managing a world they find overwhelming for a whole range of reasons. Dissociation, Derealisation (the feeling nothing is ‘real’ or that everything feels like a dream), and Depersonalisation (cutting off from emotions, detaching, inability to take experiences personally), are experiences most of us have had. Dissociative disorders are where these create problems with functioning and coping in every day life. Some people will have greater tendency toward developing dissociative disorders and if they then experience significant trauma may be more at risk of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). If they are continually entrapped with such experiences from infancy or very early childhood they may be at risk of more severe dissociative disorders such as DDNos or DID.

In 2010 I was diagnosed with the dissociative disorder, DID, a condition I’ve probably had since I was 2 years old and which was enhanced by my dissociative abilities already present as part of my autism. I connected with a number of adults both on and off the autism spectrum who were also diagnosed with DID and eventually used my skills as an autism consultant to begin to research the complexities and diversity of dissociative disorders. I came to do some consulting work associated with DID, primarily working with therapists in helping them as they came to grips with the DID systems of their clients.

ONLINE CONSULTATIONS:

A ‘Big Picture’ Approach

I go past labels and symptoms to the ingredients, the foundations, and what that means for the systems at work, the experiences of the person and their own natural motivations and distresses. Because all people are unique, I don’t do quick one-size-fits-all advice. In a consultation I set to work to focus carefully and professionally on helping each person with their particular issues.

Who can use the service?

Any person wishing to gain more insight into their particular ‘developmental fruit salad‘.
Those with developmental disabilities and their families
Couples where one or both partners are on the spectrum.
Those with or without formal diagnosis on the spectrum who feel affected by related issues.
Those whose primary communication is typing.
Those working with people with developmental disabilities or DID.
Those studying developmental disabilities or DID.

(for professionals I can supply a tax invoice stating services as professional development).

How online consultations work

Payment for email consultations is by credit card via PayPal and cost $50 AUD per hour spent answering.
When you pay for a consultation I receive notification of your payment which includes your email address.
When I receive notification of your payment I will then contact you so we can start.
I never exceed one hour in any one consultation without asking if you want to continue.
I keep track of the time you’ve spent so you can use your hour all in one go or spread it out over time using it as a ‘drop in troubleshooting service’ for future issues you’d like quick tips for.

Email Consultations

You send your information and questions (I do not charge for time spent reading, only answering).
You can also send photos and short video clips.
I try to thoroughly address as much as I can in our hour.
You will usually get your replies within 48 hours.
When I reply I will insert my responses into the text of the email you had sent me. This way you get back your original email but now have my responses inserted throughout to refer back to.
If you want me to delete what you’ve sent, I can do that and simply send my own replies.

In your consultation email you should explain:

The context of who your consultation is about
The nature and history of the issues and what things you want help with
What questions you have or what things you need instructions, feedback or opinion on.

If my replies only take me 15 or 30 mins the rest of the paid hour will remain in credit for a future email consultation. I will only reply within the 60 minutes of my paid reply time and will then insert a line explaining our paid time has run out at that point. When you’ve used up the hour’s time you’ve paid for you are free to book another hour’s time if you need or want to. There is no obligation to do so.

Skype Consultations

Skype is a means of doing online audio-video meet ups or typed chat in ‘real time’. This means we could see and hear each other directly and I can visually demonstrate techniques to you. If you have Skype on a laptop you can even walk the laptop into the room your child is in. You can also bring others into the room to sit in on the Skype consultation as a question-answer forum for other family members or professionals involved.
You can download Skype for free here:

http://www.skype.com/

Skype consultations are done in ‘real time’ so we would have to match up our time zones and make an appointment to meet on Skype. I’m in Melbourne, Australia. You could check time zone match ups using the ‘Meeting Planner’ tool here:

http://www.worldtimeserver.com/meeting-planner.aspx

Try and pick a match up time during reasonable business hours (between 9am- 5pm) here in Melbourne if possible.

When you have found a reasonable meet up time email me at bookings(at)donnawilliams.net
I’ll find us an appointment time to meet up on Skype and swap Skype addresses.
You can then feel free to then book and pay for your hour.

When we meet up on Skype be ready to explain:

The context of who your consultation is about
The nature and history of the issues and what things you want help with
What questions you have or what things you need instructions, feedback or opinion on.

If replies may only take me 15 or 30 mins the rest of the hour you paid for will remain in credit for a future Skype consultation. When the 60 minutes of my paid reply time is up I will let you know. You are then free to arrange a future Skype meet up appointment and pay for another hour’s time if you need or want to. There is no obligation to do so. Skype consultations cost $60 AUD per hour spent answering.

Wondering about the exchange rate from AUD to your own currency?
PayPal will do the conversion for you, but to get an idea of what this could be in your own currency using www.xe.com/ucc/

WORK STYLES

What work styles do I use?

Troubleshooting

You tell me the problem, I advise you/train you in the related strategies.
Mapping out ‘Fruit Salads’

This is for those who want more than a hit and miss ‘one size fits all approach’ but also to help them better work out which programs and services may best fit them or the person in their care. What presents as one condition is often actually made up of a range of separate conditions which combine to give the misleading impression of being ‘one thing’. I help people extensively explore those things and include resources to further research and the management strategies that can be used for each piece of ‘fruit salad’. These extensive ‘reviews’ may explore:

information processing
personality, identity and motivation/distress patterns
mental/emotional/physical health issues
advocacy/inclusion issues
social/occupational/life skills or goals and the maps with which to reach them

An Indirectly Confrontational Approach

I am the author of Exposure Anxiety; The Invisible Cage, a book outlining an Indirectly Confrontational Approach. An Indirectly Confrontational Approach may help reduce:

Compulsive avoidance, diversion and retaliation responses of Exposure Anxiety
Social phobia
Social-emotional complications of severe face blindness
Selective Mutism
Learned helplessness
Social and communication challenges in those with Reactive Attachment Disorder
Oppositional Defiance Disorder and Pathological Demand Avoidance
Turn down the volume on some forms of Personality Disorder (Schizoid, Schizotypal, Dependent, Avoidant, Passive-Aggressive personality disorders)

Gestural Signing training

Gestural signing is generally called ‘home sign’ and one part of deaf signing. It is a way of using movement to track the meaning of both written and spoken speech (one’s own and that of others). It is not Makaton, not ‘waving your hands about’. Gestural signing may be most useful for those with:

‘Meaning deafness‘ (Verbal Agnosias/Semantic-Pragmatic Disorder)
‘Meaning blindness‘ (Visual agnosias)
Difficulty gaining or holding meaning when reading (Visual Verbal Agnosia)
Severe difficulty with the brain-speech relationship (Oral Dyspraxia/Speech Apraxia or Speech Aphasia )
Severe difficulty daring to speak (Selective Mutism)

Kinesthetic Learning

Kinesthetic learning is about using touch, texture, acoustics (sounds), to explore the progression and connections between the parts of objects or their wider context. Kinesthetic learning is hands on learning for those who can’t think then do and much learn through doing. It is especially important for meaning deaf/meaning blind children who struggle to learn just from visuals or watching. This can help those with:

Object blindness (who see the part, lose the whole)
Context blindness (inability to use context to understand objects or actions or meaning of objects)
Severe face blindness to recognise and connect with others

External Mentalising

Some people struggle to follow instructions, make mental comparisons, conclusions or choices. This can be because they struggle to keep track of or consciously juggle complex thoughts. External mentalising involves using representational objects and ‘mapping’ to keep track of multiple concepts, to build up insight and self awareness, to understand cause and effect/consequences. Gestural signing is also one of the tools used for external mentalising. External mentalising may help people to:

Measure and assess which feelings and relative strengths of feelings someone may be having
Track a simultaneous sense of self and other they might otherwise never process
Keep track of the meaning and sequencing of their own speech

Discovery Learning

Discovery learning is the opportunity to directly explore the wider community, public transport, encounter others, exchange money, handle objects and generally get access to real life experiences. Discovery learning allows a person to kinesthetically (hand over hand) explore a world they may not have the communication to ask about or the experience to yet visually understand.

It is also process in which tantrums and meltdowns are managed in a neutral way, without judgement and the person is navigated through self calming processes in learning emotional self regulation. The guide negotiates and advocates directly with those in the community in the discovery learning process. Family members are encouraged to be present and take an active part in training to take over as the guide. Discovery learning may:

Turn around learned helpless
Build confidence
Directly educate the community about it’s own role in the lives of those with disabilities

Counseling

I counsel older children, teens and adults including:

Any person wishing to gain more insight into their particular ‘developmental fruit salad’.
Those with developmental disabilities (including autism, Asperger’s, PDD Nos etc) and their families.
Couples where one or both partners are on the spectrum.
Those with or without formal diagnosis on the spectrum who feel affected by related issues.
Those whose primary communication is typing.
Those working with people with developmental disabilities or DID.
Those studying developmental disabilities or DID.

Case Management

I help families work out which interventions are most relevant and useful at a given time based on the family’s unique structure. Where possible I may also suggest, demonstrate or train the family in alternative approaches which are ultimately low or no cost. This is because:

No interventions work for all people with a shared label.
Some interventions bring out the worst in a personality yet this may be blamed on ‘the autism’.
Some interventions do not train or empower the carers or the person with the disability.
Some health interventions are assigned to those with disabilities who do not have health issues.
Some products are targeted at those with sensory perceptual or cognitive differences these products don’t fit.
Financial burden can be put on families to adhere to approaches and products which may not be required long term, may have outgrown their usefulness, simply don’t best suit their child or greatly disturb the sense of home or family life

How do you book an online consultation?

You go to this page:

http://www.donnawilliams.net/emailconsult.0.html

then pay for a consultation and I’ll get the notification of that payment and we take it from there.

What did other people think of my consultation service?

here’s some testimonials:

I have been privileged to work with Donna for the past 6 years as she carried out regular consultancy work at the unit I managed in Staffordshire, UK for children with autism. She was a brilliant influence on staff, parents and pupils alike. Donna has a great gift for very quickly identifying pupil’s difficulties and needs then offering practical advice to help. She is always organised and professional in her work and reports and information arrived when she said they would and were extremely detailed and valuable. I have no hesitation in recommending her services.
J.A. Birchall, B.Ed, MA (Teacher in charge of Autism Outreach Team)

In less than two hours of consultation with Donna, problems we had been suffering for years had answers. Within two weeks my 5 year old daughter no longer needs to be locked in her room at night. She is feeding herself and she has given up baby bottles. She goes to the toilet. How fortunate we are to have the privilege of gaining Donna’s direct insight. How long would we have stumbled around in the dark? Weeks? Months? Years? Forever? Donna has given us a gift of understanding and hope. She is a “Living Legend”.
Lis Eynon, Tauranga, New Zealand.

It has been a privilege to know Donna Williams who has authored 9 books on Autism, some of which are international best sellers. Her knowledge of Autism is first hand and comes from personally experiencing it. It is not learnt by studying the subject or merely by observing those with Autism. With her long history of contact and dealings with many many Autistics, her expertise on Autism should be respected. Having read over 150 book on Autism, I personally listen to Donna Williams when she speaks and actually take note of what she says.

On a professional, as well as a personal level Donna is inspirational and her expert advice is invaluable and is virtually impossible to obtain such high quality and practical advice about Autism anywhere in Australia. I can say this confidently, as I had been seeking, to no avail, such advice for a long time until, by chance I came across this amazing “Artie Autie“.
Dr Tony Marshal, MB, BS, MHP(NSW), FRACGP
Family Physician, Frankston, Victoria, Australia

Donna has a very impressive ability to recognise and focus in on the particular difficulties being experienced by individuals across the spectrum of autism conditions. Having identified the issues, she explains them to the individual and his/her carer in a way appropriate to each person’s level of comprehension and way of communicating, recommending strategies to overcome the presenting issues. Her written reports are thorough, very helpful and arrive when she says they will. She has very high ethical standards and is a professional I would have no hesitation in recommending to those needing an expert in autism.
Kathryn Erangey, Autism Oxford

I remember when my son was first diagnosed at around two and a half and I was told he needed speech therapy, playgroup and early intervention and was given a booklet on all the resources available to me to help and sent on my way. Well it was a maze to say the least. I got on the net and found so much information, I didn’t know where to begin and what was relevant. Over the next four years, I undertook a lot of research, but nothing gave me what one day with Donna Williams did. She is not a social worker, not a psychologist, not a dietician, GP, naturopath, homeopath, neurologist, immunologist, etc, etc, etc.

Donna provided me with a perspective, understanding and the most valuable information on issues associated with Autism, that you would get from all of the people I just mentioned in one place. Moreover, she provided a perspective from more than one side of autism. Thorough, clear, precise, and dedicated, I felt that she was reading my mind and answering questions before I even asked them. Her assessments were mind-blowing and accurate and her report was clear, easy to follow and full of ideas and strategies to work with the issues that exist in my family. A warm, interesting, beautiful soul, Donna Williams was a catalyst to a new phase in my family’s life and a step forward in understanding the world of autism and related issues. Thank you so much Donna.
Anastasia Maragakis, Australia

As a mentor and a good friend Donna has given me the determination to carry on. Her lectures, website and emails give me the extra knowledge to sort out my ‘fruit salad’ making the world a less intimidating place to live in. More people should listen to Donna who helps to remove the barriers to learning and help make bridges between us.
Zoe, UK

For the better part of three years now, Donna Williams has counselled and aided me through anxiety and self-destructive behaviours, including self-harm and social isolation. She reached me through a range of ways, beginning as a brief couple of words from outside my bedroom door (where I had mostly been for a year and a half) as I didn’t want to meet anyone. That progressed on to art therapy, and it wasn’t long before Donna taught me how to become social in a safe and supportive environment.

Donna Williams was able to connect with me through her books, art, music and face-to-face counseling, even though I am not diagnosed on the Autistic Spectrum. She was able to do what none of my other counselors; psychiatrist and psychologists were able to do; give me a sense of self. I’m now back at school and on my way towards working in the field of Social Work.
K.Toni, 18, Australia

Consulting with Donna made an enormous difference in both my daughter’s life and my own. I was so frustrated after trying the recommended therapies and programs of the day which promised to help children with autism regain their ability to cope, learn and communicate only to find my daughter slipping further and further away. Donna taught me to be patient and respectful, to allow my daughter the space to approach me when she was ready for input rather then force-feeding her drills and stimulation from morning to night. She taught me about my daughter’s Exposure Anxiety; about her need for time alone and gentle, indirect approaches rather than the demanding and highly stimulating methods we’d been using. My daughter responded immediately and joyfully to the approach I learned from Donna and for this I will be forever grateful!
Lisa Edmond, Temecula, California, U.S.A.

Deal provides services for children and adults with little or no functional speech, and we regularly refer clients with difficult behaviors to Donna. She consults with the families of people with ASD, providing valuable insights into many behavioral issues, and generates detailed and professional reports. Our clients have been very appreciative of her services.
Rosemary Crossley, A.M., M.Ed., Ph.D.

Donna’s willingness and ability to help us with our son, Gordy, has been a Godsend. Her insight into how he experiences the world has provided a window for us to better understand and support him. Donna has answered questions for us that no one else ever dared. A time when we thought we had heard it all, read it all, known it all, Donna lead us to invaluable new resources, remedies and strategies to address our son’s medical, emotional, psychological, sensory and behavioral issues. Although we live on opposite sides of the world from each other, Donna’s compassion has been an invaluable source of support. Knowing that ‘an answer’ from Donna would be there on our computer in the morning, has gotten us through many a dark night. Her vigilance and optimism are an inspiration. And for all her experience and incomparable expertise in the field, her rate for email consultation is the best bargain on the entire planet.
Gordy’s Grateful Mom

The minute we saw you, you changed our lives for ever for our son George. We have taken your advice to the tee. As a result this boy has changed immensely. He now knows his alphabet, his numbers up to 20 all his body parts, also spells 7 words, his toilet training is excellent now, his speech is excellent in sentences and he is voicing what he wants. We are on the journey, and what a challenging journey it is! We do get bad days but nothing like before. Thanks again.
Mary Alam, Australia

I have struggled to exist since I was little, since I can remember. I’m now 38 and I’ve had several therapists, some National Health Service people, some private and I had all but given up hope that someone would reach who I really am and how I function. My depression and my OCD were diagnosed no problem, but this became a diagnostic blanket which covered my real problems. Whilst browsing the web I found Donnas site and followed up several other sites on autism, a rather large old rusty penny crashed into place. I wrote to Donna for a consultation with massive fears about confidentiality but Donna was professional, friendly and knew her grounds inside and out.

Donna is patient, warm, funny, and intelligent. Her insight and understanding have given me the ability to fight back and finally understand who, why and what I am, how I function or dysfunction in a world of people that feel alien to me. Her advice, explanations and kindness have been well wrapped in total professionalism. In my own opinion, Donna remains the world authority in understanding and helping all those across the autistic spectrum. I only wish I had met her years ago.

Donna is an inspiration and the way forward for autistic/asperger/autistic spectrum/high functioning adults and children alike and I wish her every success with all those out there who desperately need an explanation, diagnostic teacher and friend.
…DR

The help that I and my 14 year old eccentric, autistic son have received from Donna via her email consultancy has been of outstanding value. She stood by me and guided me through crisis like when my son started and consequently stopped self harming. She has always inspired me and come up with answers I would have never known or thought about but which worked – be it about health issues, problems at school, problems at home , or about my own personal struggles with life. She has challenged me when my attitude stood in the way of our progress. Knowing that she is there behind the screen has been such a support. I find her approach unique, dedicated, caring and uplifting. I feel privileged to have received Donna’s services. My son’s life and my own life are infinitely better for it.
Malai Sontheimer, single parent, counselor and acupuncturist, Bristol England

Our son Archie is 7, non-verbal, and severely autistic. He’s funny, affectionate and loves to tease us. He also has many obsessive compulsive behaviours. In our initial consultation with Donna I asked how to deal with these compulsions and obsessions. At that time our calendar had been stuck on January for 7 months (attempts to take it down or turn over the page were met with meltdowns), and I was not allowed to open any windows in the house (again opening a window resulted in a meltdown). Within a couple of days of our first consultation the calendar had been taken off the wall, and 3 windows in the house were open, all achieved with little complaint from Archie.

We’re now working with Donna to better understand how Archie perceives the world and how we might use this knowledge to increase his ability to communicate. Donna has such an insight into Archie’s world and is able to pass this onto us, thus providing us with the tools and confidence we need to help him. Her emails are considered, thoughtful, extremely informative and an absolute bargain. My only regret is that we didn’t start sooner.
Archie’s Mum, UK.

Donna demonstrated an almost clairvoyant ability to get under the skin and inside the mind of my daughter. But anyone who has read Donna’s books will know that this uncanny ability is founded on long hard personal struggle and extensive research in which she pursues all avenues without prejudice. This is, quite possibly, an unrivaled combination within the world of autism and in her consultations Donna shares the fruits of this with great generosity of spirit. I can only recommend to other parents (and professionals) to take advantage of this very reasonably priced service. Over the years my daughter has seen any number of professionals, but even when helpful, none have shown this depth of compassionate understanding of the autistic mind.

Not every parent will have the energy or resources to pursue all the options that Donna offers, so be prepared to select what feels right and possible at the time.
David Clark

I was invited to one of Donna’s workshops by a mother who also has an autistic daughter. Donna quoted “Regarding the present view of Autism, we are the idiots of tomorrow.” Listening to her seminar changed everything. I instantly arranged a private consultation. Donna was the first person who actually told me why Lena behaved the way she did. Donna taught me how an holistic approach could help my daughter and how just by changing my teaching methods Lena could have great improvement. I began to see incredible changes in Lena, and for the first time since Lena had been diagnosed I felt hope. Under Donna’s guidance I have been able to help my child communicate with me. I am my daughter’s guide in her life. Lena has really been my teacher. And if it wasn’t for Donna I may have not seen or understood it.
Maria Kromidellis

Donna Williams, BA Hons, Dip Ed.
Author, Autism consultant and public speaker.
http://www.donnawilliams.net

I acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the Traditional Owners of this country throughout Australia, and their connection to land and community.

This item originally posted here:

Affordable online help for people with autism & associated conditions

WHEN: 7pm, 4th Thursday of the month
WHERE: Honey Thai Restaurant, 1678 Main Rd, Belgrave (just up from Belgrave railway station footbridge)
WHAT: Dinner (meals start from around $17 and special diets can be catered for) with others on the spectrum
WHO: teens and adults on the autism spectrum and their direct support people.
This group has been successfully running since 2006.
Note: we have established 2 important ground rules for attendees
1) this is NOT an opportunity to study people with autism or explore ways to enter the autism field
2) those attending are expected to be self management skills (ie: able to respect other people’s space, have reasonable hygiene, respect the venue etc).
Any doubts whether this group is for you, please contact Donna: bookings@donnawilliams.net

Donna Williams, BA Hons, Dip Ed.
Author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter.
Autism consultant and public speaker.
http://www.donnawilliams.net

I acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the Traditional Owners of this country throughout Australia, and their connection to land and community.

This item originally posted here:

Social opportunities for people with autism in Melbourne

December, 22nd. Chris and I had walked around the villages in the Dandenong Ranges to take in the community cheer that shop keepers gift us with in December. But it was nowhere to be found… with the exception of Monbulk… yay, Monbulk! But that was only because their community of traders had a competition for the best Christmas window.

But for Chris and I, their windows were a gift to the community, its their festive face, its the someone who dares to dag, to put festivity out there, to spark others to celebrate, to raise spirits in something we could all share. The other villages, Belgrave, Tecoma, Upwey, Kalista, Mount Dandenong, Olinda, Sassafras, Emerald, but for the handful of exceptions (however small) who remembered or bothered, were largely devoid of any effort at ‘cheer’. Instead, they presented like Scrooge, bland, almost stating ‘business as usual’ or, more bluntly, ‘can’t be bothered’. And what they forgot was that this resonates with those walking past their windows, and then we can’t be bothered to look much further into their windows… they modeled ‘why be bothered’ and we resonated that.

I decided to ask a few shop keepers why they had pulled the plug on decorating their windows. There were so many reasons:

* they couldn’t see the point spending money when business had been tough all year
* there was nobody around, everyone is buying on the internet
* most decorations are from petrochemicals, made in sweatshops and lights contribute to global warming
* decorations are for those celebrating Christianity so if you’re not Christian why do it
* having a whole street or village join in promoting a Christian event is culturally excluding to non-Christians and therefore not culturally sensitive to the vast numbers of non-Christians (including atheists and humanists).
* we have a summer Christmas so decorations of snowflakes, snowmen or heavy dressed Santa make no sense
* Christmas decorations in the huge shopping malls are so homogenous, pristine and ‘designer’ they felt their own would be poor by comparison
* people felt bombarded by the ‘hard sell’ use of Christmas decorations used as early as September for a season in December and they didn’t want to look like they were desperately pushing the same hard sell.
* customers complained in general about the pressure of Christmas, its wastage, its kitsch, its sensory bombardment, its me-me greed, its hard sell style of Chri$tma$ as the celebration of materialism and profits.
* keeping decorations in a box all year took up space for no good reason
* when December came, they looked around and saw nobody else was doing decorations so couldn’t get ‘in the mood’ and decided they wouldn’t either.

There is much to celebrate in December in Australia. We don’t have snow but we do have sunshine. The trees are gifting us with saplings ready to pot and gift to others. The herbs in our gardens are so abundant they are crying out to be turned into ‘bush bouquets’ and plaited garlands to be gifted to others directly or through displaying them for the passing community. The bees are active, the butterflies are everywhere, the birds are singing and all pollinating the plants and trees in fruit, waiting to be picked and shared with others. The open spaces are waiting for celebratory gatherings. It is time for dancing, singing, playing instruments, poetising, throwing an ‘art party’, story telling (there’s some good Dreamtime sun stories), time to dag out, be part of the abundance of nature and remember we are part of nature too. Dress up as an elf, don your butterfly wings, adorn yourself with flowers and vines and celebrate the earth and its abundance. You can even have a safe silk ‘bonfire’!

December in Australia is our Summer Solstice, the celebration of summer and solstice is an astronomical event, an event of nature that belongs to us all regardless of religion, beliefs or differences. You can commemorate solstice whether you are Christian, Moslem, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, Atheist, Neo-pagan or committed undecided humanoid.

Is there a place for shops in Summer Solstice? Of course there is. Imagine our villages celebrating the spirit of summer in all its energy, exuberance, inspiration, abundance. Selling hammers and wheelbarrows? Great, we can use them to put up a summer garland or barrow the plants we’ve been gifted or intend to gift. Selling dresses? Wonderful. We can buy them and embellish them with the colors and symbols of summer; leaves, berries, flowers. A Beautician? Great, you can adorn hair and faces with color and the symbols of nature. A real estate agent? Then boast the gardens of your properties waiting to be seen, the opportunities in a season of enthusiasm and activity to take on something new. A paint shop? Remind people of the gift of color, its place in celebration, creativity, inspiration. A travel agent? Summer is a time of high energy, of getting out there, of having experiences. There are no excuses.

When I was a teenager in the late 70s-early 80s, I left dandelions on door knockers, filled discarded bottles with pine needles in water and ran tinsel around the outside to make “bottle trees” for people, dressed as an elf, bought sweets and went to the city and offered them around to strangers. In my twenties I dressed up as a bear and ran about in the snow (in Birmingham). When I was 30, I made mini boxes of dandelion seeds as “wish boxes” and dressed as a Santa girl and went shopping.

Sure, Christmas is presently a conglomeration. For devoted Christians it will always be a time of going to church, of worshipping what they believe in, of celebrating in the name of Jesus and that’s valid for them and being summer solstice in no way takes away from their right to celebrate Christmas their own way. But until the 4th century Christmas was, simply, a celebration of the season, it was Yule. And in Australia, our season is summer. Our summer solstice coincides with Christmas time just as winter solstice does in the Northern Hemisphere. Chris and I We have a Summer tree, decorated with clip on craft butterflies and birds, beads and bling. We have a garland on our porch in rich summer colors with craft berries and fruits. I decorated the fence with ‘bush bouquets’ and we put up our little string of lights to spread the cheer with those passing.

Let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater. The end of the year is a time to celebrate new beginnings, sometimes after a very tough year. My husband and I were both in hospital this year facing challenges that could have taken our lives. December was a time to celebrate new beginnings.

Donna Williams, BA Hons, Dip Ed.
Author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter.
Autism consultant and public speaker.
http://www.donnawilliams.net

I acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the Traditional Owners of this country throughout Australia, and their connection to land and community.

This item originally posted here:

Happy Solstice everyone! Where’s your ‘bling’?

We hear from women about their abusive mothers; the emotional incest, the mental-emotional abuse, the physical violence and society can get to grips with that, the daughter herself may walk away able to view herself as a ‘survivor’ from that. And we know that sexual abuse is perpetrated by the same parents who have already been capable of other abuses of their children and the lack of boundaries that underpins that. But we hear far less of those women sexually abused by their mothers. Those who were usually won’t speak of ‘that part of things’, if they are not too dissociated from ‘those experiences’ to even be able to face what happened. There is simply something too bizarre about it, unmentionable, alien for both the person who went through it and the society they never told about it.

How could the person who gave birth to you be so disturbed as to see you as a toy, their object, possession, some kind of extension of themselves on which to play out their sexual disturbance, their jealousy of other females, their lust for power over another female, their indulgence in a secrecy and taboo they are certain nobody would ever believe and no daughter would dare to tell?

However much they may have learned to masterfully feign the role, these are not people who are actually capable of healthy love between themselves and their child. Sometimes it will be a mother who is mentally ill, has personality disorders or is psychopathic, substance abusing or otherwise addicted or any combination thereof. Sometimes it will be a mother who has different fixations and perversions about her daughters than she does her sons or even abuses one of her children whilst not abusing the others at all or in the same way. Sometimes the mother who has sexually abused her own children will then continue the abuse on some level with her grandchildren to the extent she can get away with it.

With her own child a mother usually has a high level of private access. If the child is a baby, under 3 years old or has communication or developmental disabilities, the abusing mother may blame the child’s distress or disturbance on being misbehaved, spoilt, or on their disabilities. Children with functional communication are more likely to come to the attention of care services after the abuse has come out through speech, play or artwork.

Mothers who restrain, intoxicate or violently sexually abuse their pre-verbal daughters (or allow or facilitate others to do this for her by proxy) may not bother with the grooming stage at all. When the same abuser then has grandchildren they may have less exclusive or private access to the child so may be more likely to groom the child before overtly sexually abusing them. She may repeatedly expose them to comments, actions or material that desensitizes them to blurred boundaries, dares them to higher levels of tolerance of abusive behaviour, challenges their ability to remain silent in a pact with the abuser. If the child doesn’t disclose, the abuser may take this to another level and if they do disclose may cover their tracks, blame the child, threaten the child or move on to an easier victim.

The mothers who sexually abuse their daughters do so directly and indirectly. At its most subtle level these are the mothers indulging in the oversexualisation of their child, exposing them to porn and graphic language and suggestions. It can be a mother who sexually abuses their daughter in complete secrecy. It can be a mother who endangers their daughter, allowing others to abuse her, even facilitating this or actively suggesting their opportunity to do so. The mothers who do this may do so

* for the power over another human being,
* out of harbored resentment against an unwanted child for being born,
* for financial gain to pay for compulsive gambling, alcohol or other substance addictions,
* to observe replays of their own abuse as a child,
* out of jealousy of other females projected onto the child they wish to see harmed,
* out of hatred for the child’s father (damaging ‘his’ child),
* to win attention/approval from a male pedophile they are with,
* to push their own levels of detachment from empathy or compassion they feel weakens them (to prove/reinforce their toughness),
* as part of identifying with female psychopaths who have also abused children,
* as part of the mother’s unmanaged personality disorders
* because she can and can get away with it

… the motivations are diverse.

Daughters sexually abused by their mothers are among the least likely victims to report the abuse. It’s time to acknowledge that women also sexually abuse children, that mothers do, that this may be their sons or their daughters, that this may happen when the child is a baby, a toddler, or at any time throughout childhood. And just like male perpetrators, they will go to great lengths to hide what they have done. A man cannot so easily hide behind the word ‘love’. But a mother who abuses can use it as a powerful deflection, a hiding place, a means of silencing the child she abused as if to say “if I proclaim ‘I love you‘ often enough, loudly enough, public enough, even co-opting siblings into the chant, then I can feel safer that nobody would ever believe I had been capable of that“.

Can such mothers feign the role of being a loving mother? Come on, … can psychopaths and narcissists con people? Can those with Borderline Personality Disorder play roles that have no relationship to the person underneath? Of course. It’s time we looked past the powerful blinder of the term ‘mother’ we associate with Mother’s Day cards, hearts, roses, aprons, cookies, dolls and dancing lessons. Mothers who sexually abuse their daughters are human beings, disturbed and disturbing, and their title of ‘mother’ is no more than a mask.

Donna Williams, BA Hons, Dip Ed.
Author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter.
Autism consultant and public speaker.
http://www.donnawilliams.net

I acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the Traditional Owners of this country throughout Australia, and their connection to land and community.

This item originally posted here:

Mothers who sexually abuse their daughters

Brand New Day

Save a penny, save a dime, save a dollar,
Save the time
you might have spent on holiday
something else may come your way.
You hope and wish and want and pray,
But whose to say you get what your order?
Sometimes the last thing you might ask for
Is delivered to your door.
And adventures, you may have in store.
A roller coaster, labyrinth, a challenge far beyond your norm.
A dark night of the soul or two,
a psycho-social thunder storm.
An army coming o’er the hill,
a nemesis you’d have to greet.
These and many more surrealisms,
may just ballet dance on down your street.
And they bear gifts, macabre and great,
they sweep aside the clutter and the waste,
they show you time and space, mortality,
they are perhaps the light and way,
they remind us all of gravity
and give us perspective of each brand new day.

By Donna Williams, Dec, 2011

Isolated

Isolation
Masturbation
Self Imprisoned soul.
Dissociate
Procrastinate
It’s your own empty bowl.
Or wake and shake the cobwebs off.
A muscle left to waste, WILL waste.
A mind, a body, a heart,
or speech, or daring,
or empathy, caring…
Want to complain?
But who was it threw the skill potential
swiftly down the drain?
We side with defences
cherish invisible fences
of the soul?
Then complain how hard it’s all become,
the bumps of life, the guests who didn’t come.
Go ask the tree if you’re alone,
the leaves and rain and wind are calling,
but all you see’s the silent phone.

By Donna Williams, Dec, 2011

Doubled Jointed

Perplexing
Flexing
limbs a kimbo
Contorting gymnasts
bend but don’t break.
Will you bend over backwards
to be ‘so normal’.
Double jointed is no mistake.

By Donna Williams, Dec, 2011

Frustration Nation

Who contemplated naming nations?
A history of waring factions,
winners losers
refugees and choosers
chasing dreams and venting their frustrations?
Some fought for flags,
Some fought for banks,
Some fought for bosses,
without thanks.
Some lost community within picket fences,
within me, me, me and mine, mine, mine
within consumer driven bought pretenses.
The cost of this, the cost of that,
you want your cigarettes, your latest gadget or your thirteenth hat?
Your dogs needs clipping, your cats need perms,
your house needs detoxing from the germs
their immunity once fought,
but not now, in a society where slightest risk means litigation.
Not a wonder that we think we suffer from ‘frustration nation’.

Family

Hold a hand and wipe a bum,
be a parent or a chum
keep the boundaries
or hand the buck
care to the point of co-dependency
or instead, don’t give a *%&$.

Preen the object, curl the hair, pageant girls and cowboy suit boys.
Five hundred dollar birthdays and gadgets by credit card
dog and cat and rabbit run amok in nice back yard.

Family roast dinner, and tinsel on the Christmas tree
Smiling times and happy smiles,
and orphans only live on TV.

Fighting in the car backseat,
‘do we have to have one like you?’
headrest imprints of muddy feet,
and fairy floss at the zoo.

Mother smother and father ‘who’,
Forever and ever, a bloodline we share
but with blood donors worldwide I can get that anywhere.

Hungry feelers

Hungry feelers, feed me, feed me,
feed me feelings, love me, need me,
be my world
be my hero
be my savior
mamma, papa
be my mirror
be my icon
and I will be your
leeeeech

Teenage Angst

The toddlerhood of adulthood
the teenager throws a tanty.
Respect?
You know it all dinosaur.
Authority, I blaspheme you.
Heritage, I discard you.
Boundaries, I defy you.
Respect, I revile you.
My rebellion moment bores me.
I failed to scare you, control you, reduce you.
You stood strong, didn’t suck, held your ground.
In your hand, two cups of tea.

Deception Soup

Invested interest.
Stir the pot.
What is truth.
What is not.
Lost in whispers
outside the loop.
A steaming pot
of deception soup.

By Donna Williams, Dec, 2011

Donna Williams, BA Hons, Dip Ed.
Author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter.
Autism consultant and public speaker.
http://www.donnawilliams.net

I acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the Traditional Owners of this country throughout Australia, and their connection to land and community.

This item originally posted here:

Donna Williams’ Poetry Jam – Dec 2011

nor strive to like someone
nor even love them

WHEN you like yourself
WHEN you have come to love that self
it is like sunshine
it warms those who come into contact with it.

it resonates with those who like themselves
and that’s how you’ll attract healthy people

people who won’t need you
who won’t want you because of their own emptiness
who won’t enjoy the freebie of being loved by someone just because they need it
who won’t need to be liked because they already like themselves

Donna Williams, BA Hons, Dip Ed.
Author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter.
Autism consultant and public speaker.
http://www.donnawilliams.net

This item originally posted here:

Boundaries and how to stop being a compulsive pleaser