The public loner – solitary people are normal too.
The public person is a strange beast. Who on earth would want to be out there for all and sundry to goggle and criticise? Is the public person always self confident? A narcissist? An exhibitionist? An opportunist seeking to sell something? Well in my strange world we are all sinners and saints and those of us who think we are only ‘the good stuff’ are probably on some pretty serious idealisation denial trip. Am I ever lazy? Well, I avoid vaccuum cleaners like the plague. Am I heartless? Well, I can kill mosquitos without too much guilt. Am I a glutton? You should see me in an art supply store. Am I selfish? With those fabulous dairy/gluten free nanish tarts from Uncle Ricks… yep, I hide them and ration them out, just to myself (greedy, selfish thing that I am). So what’s my vice? My reason for being public?
Aloneness.
No, seriously, you heard me correctly.
Aloneness.
You see, I tried the mainstream workforce. Thirty jobs in three years is hardly a good track record. I hid in the sanctioned loony bin of academia for a few years which was much easier than the work force.
I have a brain like a blender and a three sentence instruction ends up rather tumbled. I have no sense of time. I add dyslexically (inverting my numbers) so I’m not even much good for data entry- a haven for social phobes. I can’t juggle things in my head, I juggle them through my fingers on a keyboard. I really do have a brain like a seive and ‘not much upstairs’ in the conscious thought department. I’m a social phobe who feels going shopping is like a visit to the dentist (unless its art supplies). But what I’m good at, what I’m very good at, is being alone.
Now, in the adult world people usually work, especially those with chips on their shoulder like me (yes, another vice) where I am so excruciatingly autonomous I can’t stand the idea of being an imposition or burden. Seriously, its a luxury to be able to enjoy being taken care of. I just freak. I feel I am indebted for life. I prefer to stay self sufficient and autonomous even if that means no idea when breakfast or lunch is and no running baths or using open flames till someone else is home. But being good at being alone means one will be highly motivated to do what one CAN do through being alone. And what I CAN do is write, paint, sculpt, compose and like all artists, none of us can survive on doing those full time unless we let ourselves be ‘known’ and that means being public.
So some of the most public people are out there because they love attention, recognition, admiration, because they’re competitive or strive to fight for the underdog, or have some burning sense of justice or want to be helpful to others. But my burning passion in being public is that it allows me to succeed in the thing I’m best at, being alone.
… Donna Williams *)
Now I understand your motivations a little better and I hope other people do too.
I am sure you’re not the only one – autie or non-autie – who goes to be in public so he/she can be alone.
I had a laugh at your chip on the shoulder. And also how you avoid vacuum cleaners like the plague – could so relate though. And the tarts and the art supply store. There are some good ones around here and in the city.
Chips on my shoulder… I must be a sloppy eater!
If I find them, I’ll eat them 🙂
I am much more comfortable speaking to a room full of strangers than I am in front of a few friends. The bigger your audience, the more alone you are.
I am new to this site and am glad I found it. I read your first book a few years ago and was simply blown away by it. I’m not autistic, but I’m artistic. 🙂 And I saw a lot of connections between the two. It’s great to come here and find out that you’ve been able to help other people with autism. Your books made it clear that you have a great gift for that. Not only that, you are supporting yourself as an artist. You are an inspiring success story for me.
They’re yummy aren’t they? 🙂
Hi Don,
yes, I felt I swapped autism for artism. Hence I’m not surprised if artists can relate to me 🙂
Do have a look at http://www.auties.org and if you feel you relate to ‘autism friendly’ then consider listing on there as an artist.
🙂
Just off the topic for a bit.
Who were the three closest people you lost within the timespan of Everyday Heaven?
My father, then my best friend, then my cat. Yes, ‘my’ cat was also ‘a person’. He was one of those ‘once in a life time’ matches. People can have a hundred cats and never meet one who seems to know them and click, person to person. Monty ‘knew’ me, really really knew me. He was incredibly unusual. He chose me at a cats home, walked around the whole place then jumped into my car. He’d been there 5 years and hence just wandered about with people, but with me, he checked me out as I interacted with all the cats, then kind of made up his mind and wanted me to get him out of there. Aparently he’d never done this. It was like he’d been waiting for me. Anyway, after the first two deaths, he was the closest friend I had. There is actually also a fourth death, an incredibly gutsy highly intuitive ‘pixie’ who was in her eighties and battled years with cancer. When she met me she stared at me, pointed a finger and said “I see you”. She told me she could see I ‘sensed’ just like she did. She was incredible. Anyway, if you liked the array of characters in my other books, you’ll enjoy the collection in Everyday Heaven, one of the most wonderful of which is my husband Chris.
Chris is a great character: and a great person.
Did he come to the World Autism Congress? If not, what was he doing?
And do you ever come to Word Tree poetry readings, because I think I saw you in March and I was too scared to come up and speak to you? I mean really early March, when we were doing things like insects. They’re in Burrinja if you didn’t know.
Monty sounds like a very special cat-person. Lots of cats have had the honourary status of people.
Who was your best friend? The guy known as Shaun? Bryn?
yes, he was at the world congress.
Word Tree… nope.
Sorry, not me.
I’m rather nervous of big gatherings.
Tend not to be in them unless ‘working’.
My version of a crowd is 6 people.
I’ve spoken in front of 3000.
That wasn’t a crowd, it was a mosaic.
Too many people to cognitively conceive of.
Insects in Burrinja? I must have a look.
‘Margo’ was my first female best friend since childhood.
She was such a ‘sister’.
Of course ‘Bryn’ was the first person ‘like me’ I ever consciously recognised as being so (he was later dx’d with Aspergers).
‘Shaun’ was my ‘mirror’ and the biggest ‘crossroad’ I ever encountered.
What happened there completely altered everything. It turned around everything 180 degrees. It shocks me that he remains to this day one of the people I felt I most ‘knew’ yet one of the most uninvolved strangers in my life.
‘Bryn’ has just written his autobiography. It’s called ‘Bryn’s Redemption’. I’m editing it so its not out yet, but keep it in mind.
🙂 Donna *)
I would really love to read Bryn’s Redemption.
That is so excellent.
You will let me know all the juicy-goosy details, won’t you?
I think the insects are in the poems mainly, but there must be some in real life and among the artworks. Including wichetty grubs.
How exciting.
Thank you for enlightening me about ‘Margo’, ‘Shaun’ and ‘Bryn’. Would Margo be in the first book under a different name, or did you not write about her until Everyday Heaven?
No, Margo is in Everyday Heaven.
🙂 Donna *)
C’est Moi! Vraiment!
I have just read the Public Loner article, and I couldn’t help smiling at most of the characteristics. My line on shopping casually, too is one of “avoid like the plague”, unless there is a specific purpose, like art materials or computer peripherials.
When I am heavily motivated in something, given the chance, I too would continue, ad infinitum, irrespective of mealtimes, sleep, etc. This goes with designing websites, drawings, computer graphics, or poetry. Living with a dog, bound by routine (bedtimes, walks, food and playing) conspires against this, because he is very good at reminding me of his niceties.
As for best friends, I tend not to have best friends in the neurotypical sense of going to the pub after work or watching sports events together. Most of them contacts are through work or groups I’m involved in. Some people regard this as odd, but this is an alliance which has served me well over my last 25 years on this planet. The last sentence seems to be applicable with me and clarifies the bulk of this paragraph.
Yes, we artists tend to be so into creating we don’t do life skills well so having a physical map around us to follow is always useful, if not essential.
I feel I evolved from Autism into ARTism with the latter merely being a socially more encouraged version of the former but both can be, well, a bit ‘different’ in the ‘functioning department’. I’m also a mad self sacrificer so when I’m not ARTing, I give, often too much. I love having a role, a job, being useful. But I do not like being played for a fool or used. Hence I’ve learned to give where I’m moved to do so, not because someone feels I’m a leaning post 🙂 One of the things I learned is the best way to give sometimes is not to give in order that others discover their own resourcefulness, resilience, strengths and to give in a way that promoted empowerment, not dependency.