I’m interviewing an adventurer of inner worlds and an explorer of Everest. He’s a man who has reached the professional heights of photographic art, the spiritual depths of becoming a relatively balanced human, and the chaos of paranoid schizophrenia. He’s a fascinating man, welcome to an interview with Stuart Baker-Brown.

DONNA:
Hi Stuart, thanks for agreeing to be interviewed. How about we start with you introducing yourself, the person. Then, if you like, feel free to also introduce the condition you are the manager of.

STUART:
This seems to be the hardest question. At this moment, I have a stronger idea of who I may be. Yet, there is still so much to discover, a true identity to establish.

DONNA:
I have a quote which goes: “I am always my self in the becoming of it”. I think we become different selves as we encounter new experiences, move through life, discard or re-structure some of the old, embrace and come to identify with some of the new.

STUART:
Yes, I agree. I know I am in the process of developing a new identity as a documentary photographer, a wishful career as a writer. I am, for sure, an activist for greater understanding and treatment towards severe mental illness, especially that of schizophrenia. Having been diagnosed myself in 1996. I was born in East London, a product of the 60’s, a twin to Duncan, older brother to Byron. I currently live with ‘Beau’ my wonderful Bearded Collie, in the Cerne Valley Dorset, South West England. Now, he is beautiful!

DONNA:
Yes, I’ve seen some of your wonderful photos of him. Of course I should mention that your professional photography extends far beyond photographing your dog! How did Beau figure in your recovery from schizophrenia?

STUART:
Most of my adult life has been controlled by the destructive symptoms of schizophrenia, which was fully triggered by my involvement with marching on the streets of Moscow in 1991, against the communist hardliners who attempted a coup, against the then Russian leader Mikhail Gorbachev. On my return to London I began to fear persecution from the then KGB. Anxiety and paranoia began to quickly and devastatingly take control and unbeknown to me, I was falling into the abyss of paranoid schizophrenia.
Beau came into my life in 2002. The year was a major turning point. I had been awarded a Winston Churchill Travel Fellowship, which gave me funding for my first trek to Nepal, to Everest Base Camp 2003. I found Seroquel and I found Beau. He has helped me greatly with his companionship and loyalty. His enthusiasm to get out and have fun helped me to get back into good physical shape. He has helped with the greater stability of my mind. He has taught me how easy it is to start enjoying life. His message to me has been simple, yet profound.

DONNA:
It may sound strange but for most people with mood and anxiety disorders, we’d have struggled to not replay and freak out about such a wild experience. But your schizophrenia was a particular shade of that.

STUART:
I did freak out. For many years I felt persecuted and very paranoid. There was a possible truth about my situation. But now, as I look back, I believe my paranoia and fears were fueled more by ‘home beliefs’ about the KGB, more so, than any possible experience of persecution. But, the stress and the anxiety triggered full blown schizophrenia. It was a very uncomfortable time for me. The fear of being harmed for my involvement with the marching, as a foreigner involving themselves with USSR politics, lasted many years. I was stuck between paranoia and possible truth.

I am now recovered. My schizophrenia, although destructive, has taught me much. I have learned pain can have it’s purpose. We must always learn from it. It teaches us many things and can cause us to question life in ways, that we would have not done so, without it!

DONNA:
I can totally relate to that. My autism includes a mood, anxiety and compulsive disorders. Each of these engaged with me, the person, demanding I adapt and advocate in order to function but also taught me much about diversity and equality in difference. It’s a journey in itself. But in your case it’s lead to actual travel as part of your spiritual journey.

STUART:
I enjoy travel, especially to the Himalayas. The mountains are like Gods to me, both mother and father. I believe it’s a good thing to stretch our own boundaries. Travel gives us the experience of new cultures and beliefs, it simply does broaden the mind. I sometimes work with the media, using my travels to promote positive schizophrenia. I also speak about my life, to audiences, both in the UK and abroad.

DONNA:
Speaking of media, you’re also a writer and a blogger, among other artistic branches of your life.

STUART:
I have written quite a few articles now, which have appeared in medical journals and on the BBC News website. I love writing, have always wanted to be an author. I am currently writing my 1st novel ‘The Man Who Can’, which is based on my life experiences with my condition. It may take a while! The need to be involved in the Arts is deep routed. Photography and writing is in my blood, it shakes my bones. Its heart beats at the tips of my fingers, at the centre of my eye, waiting, eagerly waiting.

DONNA:
I see autism as a range of different ‘fruit salads’. As a person diagnosed with autism who has sensory perceptual, language processing, gut, immune, metabolic but also mood, anxiety and compulsive disorders as part of MY autism fruit salad, I can imagine your dance with paranoid schizophrenia was a kind of fruit salad in itself, and one which produced some pretty ‘autistic’ moments and ‘autistic’ phases in your own life. What do you think of that idea? That non-autistic people can have ‘autistic’ moments, ‘autistic’ phases?

STUART:
Well, schizophrenia is known for having profound cognitive difficulties, the inability of expression, to process information and interpret that information as others would do. The ability to enhance and capture true potential, can be impaired greatly by the likes of memory loss, disorganized thoughts, difficulty concentrating and completing tasks.

Every individual can experience these difficulties, with or without a diagnoses of mental illness. I believe symptoms of autism, like symptoms of schizophrenia, can be found in most people. But in a much milder form. We can all have difficulty with communication, the use of language, the interpretation of information, Autistic moments. Feel paranoid, hear voices, fear persecution, moments of schizophrenia.

I dance with Autistic and Schizophrenia moments every day. As with every dance, the key is to learn the steps, the routine. To dance with your partner well.

As for my fruit salad, there seems to be a lot more in my bowl than just fruit. A concoction of mixtures that myself and others do not understand, with nuts, I don’t like nuts!

DONNA:
Very cute. I love that commercial for fruit and nut chocolate which uses a little jingle ‘Everyone’s a fruit and nut case’ which is put to the music of Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker Suite.

A considerable percentage of people with autism have serious co-occurring mood, anxiety and compulsive disorders though often these things are mistaken for ADHD, autistic withdrawal or obsessive interests, and considered ‘part of the autism’. I’m sure you’ve found similar overlap between spiritual experiences and schizophrenia. It’s a matter of where an EXPERIENCE begins and a debilitating mental health DISORDER takes over.
Do you find that a tough balancing act? Is it hard to tell when you’ve tipped the balance? do you think that spirituality and spiritual experiences are presumed by others as ‘part of the schizophrenia’ and have you found it hard to tell when that line has been crossed

STUART:
In the past yes, it was very hard to work out. The symptoms of schizophrenia can be so strong and can leave the sufferer unable to work out reality from the unreal.

DONNA:
Yes, as part of my mood disorder, I’ve experienced some pretty nutty beliefs at both the manic and depressive peaks and troughs. And its so hard in those states to shake them. I guess the difference is that with rapid cycling, they are then gone an hour or so later. Hopefully, one hasn’t acted on the wildest of them. For example I’ve had acute depressive swings in which I’m so certain I’m ugly to look at and that all people who ever liked me were just being polite and that I should kill myself. It’s really compelling when in that and almost impossible to reason with. In manic episodes I’ve thought I could fly (knew I’d smash my body trying but didn’t care as it would set my spirit free) of that cars couldn’t hit me so I’d march out in front of them. Now even when not in bipolar episodes, I can see the thin logic there but at the time it feels rock solid.

STUART:
I can strongly relate to all your words above. I think strong recognition of symptoms is a key to understanding and dealing with these feelings. For me, symptoms of paranoia and fear of persecution, was always very hard to deal with. It has caused a lot of havoc in my life. But I used hindsight and over a period of time, I realised that my concerns were unjustified, as I had come to no harm, from those I feared.

DONNA:
Yeah, that’s very like reality testing in OCD. I have been plagued by OCD stuff since late childhood and often felt that if I didn’t do a certain pattern repetition that I would die or be responsible for the deaths of others. Progressively I came to doubt it by holding back and finding nothing bad happened. But still, as an adult, I have to hold back from straightening things or putting them right side up just because some nutso part of me says that if I don’t then deaths will occur. It’s so laughably nuts, but those who don’t have this can’t imagine how that grip in one’s guts really dominates reason. With OCD one can train oneself to not side with this stuff, not be bullied by it. I figure that has some parallels with what you’re describing.

STUART:
I have experienced symptoms of schizophrenia for many years. I now feel very capable of recognising when symptoms become active. Recognition of my symptoms and understanding how they may present themselves has been a great defence. I am my own best doctor and judge of my condition. I have learned about my symptoms through deep personal insight and can now clearly work out when the balance does become slightly tipped. Good self awareness is the key. This has taken me some years to understand and perfect.

As for the question about spiritual experiences being presumed by others as an illness. Yes, for sure. Any possible psychic/spiritual belief, clearly is diagnosed as part of the illness of schizophrenia, as psychosis. I have some of my psychiatric notes at home with me and the psychiatrists clearly states: The male line has been schizophrenic in each generation. My psychiatrist made this statement after a conversation with me about psychic activity, myself and my father and grandfather had experienced. She clearly states that all my family on the male side have severe mental illness. Without ever meeting any other member of my family!

DONNA:
Ha ha, then any highly sensing individual in a family could be deemed schizophrenic, wow. And OCD is full of magical thinking, so I guess we could say anyone with OCD traits could be deemed schizophrenic by that definition. How funky. How klunky 😉

STUART:
My grandfather was very well respected in London for his psychic ability. He helped many people, he never had any sign of mental illness. He was a good business man and very successful in his life.

DONNA:
Yes, in fact this inner world sensing thing is often part of the idiosyncratic personality trait. It’s a shame society pathologises what is often part of a natural personality trait and the cognition and biochemistry associated with it. It’s like looking at a spec of dust and being afraid it may become a pile of dirt. That’s nuts!

STUART:
It’s a fact in life, that many strange things happen. Millions of people around the world have psychic/spiritual experiences and beliefs. I feel that simply viewing the abnormal as an illness is extremely ignorant. And stops the progress of understanding towards the mind and the likes of schizophrenia.
Yes, psychosis is a very powerful and misleading tool in which can lead to many disturbing experiences. But does that make all experiences an illness? We know nothing of the mind.

DONNA:
True. And Einstein is cited as an archetypal example of that idiosyncratic trait, the extreme of which is Schizo typal Personality ‘Disorder’. He certainly had a wildly fluid mind and was way willing to think outside of the box.

STUART:
I feel quite proud of the schizophrenia side to me. It’s the misunderstanding and stigma attached to it, which causes me to lower my head. Many great artists and scientists who have influenced the way we think, have been linked to schizophrenia and other conditions. I think schizophrenia can potentially be, as other conditions, a very creative tool. This has yet to be truly recognised. Where psychic activity is concerned, some psychics/clairvoyants believe people with schizophrenia are very psychic in many ways but the psychic activity and awareness is confused by the condition.

DONNA:
Yes, I’ve heard that.
I think you could say that some idiosyncratic’s and solitaries have very strong inner worlds and these can become too isolating, too deep, and people can get lost in their own labyrinths. Many autistic people have these personality traits, but there’s also a higher rate of schizophrenia diagnosed in those with these traits. Could be that every strength has its weaknesses, every weakness has its strengths.

STUART:
The police use spiritualism/psychics for investigations, millions upon millions of people across the world turn to psychics or have their own experiences, even governments have used psychics for spying.
Spiritualism has played a huge part in mans life since the dawn of time. At the moment, western society is dominated by the progress of science and so spiritual beliefs seem alien.

Psychiatry are of course allowed to have their own point of view. It is their right. The trouble comes when, as it did with me, that any alternative belief or experience I held, was put down to my illness. I was delusional, suffering psychosis. Their narrow minded opinions and lack of understanding towards my beliefs, caused me much confusion. In the end I began to hide my experiences and beliefs in fear of their actions.

DONNA:
And that’s where the grounding potential of reality testing stops. Because you aren’t free to dialogue about your thoughts.

STUART:
You have to remember, the psychiatrist has huge power over someone like me. Their views are held in greater value than mine. If they deemed me ill, because of my spiritual experiences, this then can add weight for them to section me, just because they do not share my beliefs.
Its about time psychiatry looked deeply at themselves and started to truly analyse their own views and behaviour. See how destructive it can be. I have felt more ‘policed’ by psychiatry than cared for.
We all see the world from our own angles and perception. It’s about time we all truly widened our eyes and looked at things with far more vision. If this was to be achieved then I believe it would open up a far greater understanding of the mind and its fantastic capabilities.

DONNA:
It’s true that the world of belief, of questioning, wondering, of dreaming and creating, are at risk of being stifled in a world that becomes so xenophobic that all signs of potential pathology can trigger over reactions.

I know in my case a very low dose of Seroquel has dramatically reduced tics I’ve had since infancy, OCD stuff I’ve had since late childhood, Exposure Anxiety I’ve had all my life and Rapid Cycling Bipolar stuff I’ve had since age 3. Seroquel is approved for both Bipolar and Schizophrenia and, having read your experiences with Schizophrenia, there’s a lot of overlap between episodes of psychotic mania, psychotic depression and severe mixed states in Rapid Cycling Bipolar and what you’ve gone through.

STUART:
The symptoms of schizophrenia can be vast and incorporate the likes of bipolar, psychosis, anxiety, agoraphobia-the list goes on. The condition can differ with each individual, yet, there are so many similarities. Symptoms such as the voices, psychosis, false and irrational beliefs, thought disorder, suicidal thoughts, depression, lack of motivation, the feeling of being controlled by outside forces and of course the paranoia and fear of persecution can be recognised in most cases, yet the experience and cause of those symptoms can be unique

Treatment can be singular. What works for one, may not work for the other. I was fortunate in finding Seroquel in 2002. It not only helped my life but saved my life. Nowadays, I live with very little symptoms. From memory I started at 750mg and now only take 200mg. Which is a very small dose for my diagnosis.
It mixes with my fruit salad well. A sauce that makes the taste far more palatable.
Seroquel has helped to control my symptoms much better than any other medication. And I experience no recognisable side effects. Side effects from other medication have been very destructive, equal, to dealing with a separate illness to my schizophrenia.
Seroquel has controlled my symptoms and opened up a new life to me. It helps me to become a photographer, helps me to travel and to be on more equal terms with life and myself. It opens doors that were once tightly closed.

DONNA:
Are there other important environmental, spiritual, cognitive practices which are also important parts of holistic management of your condition?

STUART:
Cognitive practices-cognitive meaning the way we process and interpret information-Writing is a cognitive practice. Keeping a daily journal, which truly reflects my emotions and how I feel about difficult situations is always useful, as a point of reflection, recording information that may seem somewhat confused and being able to analyse it later on.
Talk is always a good therapy. My judgment and interpretation of events sometimes lacks clarity. Recognition of this and getting feedback from friends about a situation I may find confusing or difficult has become a valuable tool. So, using others to clarify a situation for me, the way I may act and perceive a situation-is itself, a practice, in helping me to understand a misinterpretation of events.
Important spiritual practices. I have learned a lot from my travels to the Himalayas and experiencing Buddhism first hand. I have always accepted others, their beliefs and cultures in life but have always felt that many are unwilling to understand me in return. I have found that stigma and discrimination towards my diagnoses can strike at every corner. Acceptance of my diagnosis and the labels that come with it has given me great strength in life. My spiritual practice with this is to just be open and as understanding as I can towards others and how they may view me. I fully accept that some will see the good man I strive to be, where others step far away and cannot see beyond my diagnosis. Stigma and discrimination is born through fear and lack of understanding. I accept this happens and that acceptance and understanding, putting myself in others shoes, helps to keep me strong.
Environmental practices. Its always helpful and secure to be amongst safe surroundings. Yet, sometimes if we do not widen our horizons, we can become trapped. It has helped me greatly to get back into the open world and beyond my limited boundaries. I have learned that the negative responses I sometimes have around me, has sometime made me feel that the whole world is against me. Being able to travel and experience new views and feelings has been very rewarding and refreshing.
Expanding my horizons beyond my own enforced boundaries, has shown me that the world is far greater and accepting place than what I believed.

DONNA:
Relationships, employment, things like that haven’t come easy for you. Sure, there’s instant fear for some people of the label of schizophrenia or bipolar for that matter, but do you also feel that its hard to be fully or consistently present in relationships and employment when also interacting, for management purposes, with one’s own mental health?

STUART:
The fear is totally unjustified. People relate schizophrenia to uncontrollable madness and violence. This is far from the truth. Yes, its unusual symptoms can be very frightening and seem very weird but I believe that’s only because the symptoms are very misunderstood and nobody, as yet, truly understands the experiences and language of schizophrenia.

We are not a set of people who intentionally harm others and are far more likely to harm ourselves over our fellow man. People are far more likely to be attacked by so called ‘normal society’ than they are with someone with a severe mental illness. I think the figures suggest that less than 1% of people with schizophrenia harm others.
The fear and association of violence with my diagnosis hurts deeply and stems from press misrepresentation and the lack of correct information sourced to the general public.

Unfortunately a story about someone with schizophrenia attacking and harming, sells papers. Where are the stories of the horrible discrimination, mistreatment, abuse and attacks on those with schizophrenia? There’s plenty of them!

DONNA:
Yes, the same is true in the autism world. Most older children and teens with ASD in mainstream schools are bullied, sometimes daily for year on end. Then when someone with ASD kills, it becomes a sort of reflection on the label. Yet the everyday psychopathy of non-autistic people committed against those with ASD is considered ‘normal’. Go figure.

STUART:
As for it being hard to be fully present in relationships. In the past yes. I was unable to communicate fully, unable to interact with society or fully interact with my wife. Although we were extremely close, I was unable to socialise with her with fear of being rejected by her friends because of the stigma and discrimination attached to schizophrenia. I was also unable to express myself, or hold a conversation. For some years I simply was incapable of being present in any relationship, with a friend or lover. I wasn’t even present in my own self. The symptoms of schizophrenia are very powerful and can take over the sufferers life, leaving them disabled and unable to communicate or move outside its forced boundaries.

Now my schizophrenia has virtually disappeared I can socialise well. I still fear talking to strangers because of rejection. This can make it very hard for me to initiate a new relationship, quite simply, I mention my past diagnosis and doors slam shut.

As for employment, I do a lot on a voluntary basis. To promote positive schizophrenia and recovery. I am very fortunate that my work tends to do a lot with promoting schizophrenia and involves people who want to support and help me. Kindred spirits in many ways. I feel it would be nearly impossible for me to get full time employment from anyone that has no understanding of schizophrenia. If I did get full time employment, I feel I would have to hide my diagnosis and no understanding of my needs would be truly offered.

DONNA:
You’re hoping to climb Everest. It’s a marvelous parallel with your own daily dance in maintaining hard won equilibrium living in the same body with paranoid schizophrenia, Stuart the person, and Stuart the condition.
How do you feel about climbing Everest? Where does it figure in that assertion of personhood?

STUART:
Everest is symbolic of my own mountain of struggle with schizophrenia and the extreme effort it has taken me to overcome and control my symptoms. Everest also symbolises the great effort needed to fight the discrimination and stigma attached to severe mental illness, the world over.
I feel I have a huge point to make about the real me! My true capabilities, beyond somebody with a diagnoses of schizophrenia who would never amount to much. I have gained valuable recognition that I am greater than my diagnoses, through self belief, talking to friends and travel, contrary to how I was treated and viewed by others.
I feel that since my diagnosis my “identity” has been made for me, and I am Stuart Baker-Brown schizophrenic, and labelled, as many are with schizophrenia, as troublesome, a potential threat, delusional, odd, and generally as someone who should be avoided.
As though that’s all I am capable of being!

In reality the above is far from the truth and is a mistaken identity projected on me by many who know nothing about my illness. I am the first to admit, yes, I can be unintentionally troublesome but I have reasons. Many strange things have happened to me, which have scared me, caused confusion, and caused me to seem strange to others. But my real identity is a man who is greater than his illness, a man who cares and loves, and a man who strives to be good and strong and creative in life. A man who wants to help others and who is most definitely not a threat to society.
I don’t fear Everest, my desire to climb it. I fear never being able to raise the finances and losing the chance. I fear not being able to give the inspiration and hope for others who can not see a way forward with schizophrenia. I feel there is a lot at stake and want to climb Everest, not ‘ because it is there’ as George Mallory quoted but ‘because it needs doing’!

DONNA:
On that subject of personhood, I’ve seen your breathtaking photography. You’re chatting with a prolific artist here, though my media are painting and sculpture. Tell me about your photography and how that fits with your own ARTism and spirituality?

STUART:
I am forever in Pursuit of Reality. Symptoms of schizophrenia include psychosis, which are hallucinations and delusions. I have experienced many strange and unexplained things in my life, which has made me question reality? My photography is documentary based, people and landscape. My work captures reality as we know it and helps me to capture one aspect of the truth. It enables me to reflect and to keep one foot on the ground!

I also seek beauty and understanding. Although this can be found all around me, here in the UK, I am in awe of the magnificence of the Himalayas. I seek to capture the colour and power, the uniqueness of each mountain, their immense presence in the world in which we live.
I am very attracted to the depth and beauty of Buddhism. The peace and tranquillity, the understanding and acceptance towards others. Something I feel I have lacked in my own life. I try to capture the spirit in Buddhism, its inner beauty. Each photograph I capture is more than a picture, it has a purpose, a feeling. I work with my heart and believe that shows in the work I am starting to produce!

Photographic website-www.stuartbakerbrown.co.uk

DONNA:
Many of your photographs feature Everest and the Nepal/Tibetan people, want to expand on your connection to this place?

STUART:
I have always been fascinated by Everest and the Himalayas from a young child. This was ignited by stories of Sir Edmund Hillary’s success on Everest and reports of the mythical creature the Yeti. I have to add, I have now held a box with a Yeti scalp in it, which was shown to me whilst trekking in the Himalayas in 2003.
Both Nepal and Tibet represented a mystical far away land. I feel I have always been spiritual and valued personal/spiritual growth over material gain. Buddhism and its beliefs, as well as other beliefs in the Himalayas, really suits my own needs, away from the material growth many in western society seek for themselves.
Deep down I am a person who could live with the very basics in life, some good food, good company and support, warmth, brotherhood and love. Unfortunately, I live in a very materialistic society where you simply need money to survive and financial gain is often too easily represented as personal success.
Its great to sit around a fire, high up in the mountains, far away from cars, television. Or walk around Kathmandu. I try to capture the beauty, not only with my heart but with the lens of my camera and the written word.

DONNA:
You seem drawn to nature in general, as am I. Tell me about this relationship.

STUART:
I simply accept that all is linked from the smallest beetle to the brightest star. From the hardest rock to the softest blade of grass. The biggest wave in the ocean to the smallest drop of a tear. It saddens me the human race is so arrogant and thinks itself unique and individual from nature and all that is.
I think, in all honesty, I feel more attached to nature and the elements than I do with the human race.
This is something that attracts me deeply to the Himalayas and Buddhism. Sherpa’s, who follow the red hat sect of Buddhism, perceive the earth as mother earth, water is her blood, soil is her flesh and rocks are her bones. In death they will become one with the earth.
I have always felt this way. A deep inner feeling that has not been taught or even discovered. Its just there within.

DONNA:
You have a dog, Beau. I’m extremely solitary. I love animals but can’t handle anything or anyone watching, waiting, wanting (I wrote a book called Exposure Anxiety; The Invisible Cage, maybe that sums this up a bit), but you’re very attached to Beau. Tell me about HIM, about what HIS company means to you.

STUART:
Beau is an angel to me in many ways and has played his part in my mental and physical recovery. There was a time when I could not handle, as you say, watching, waiting and wanting. It was pressure I did not need. I became interested in finding a dog, not just for company, but to encourage me to walk and get fit. So, six years ago, I made a three hour journey to a farm in St Austell, Cornwall, South West England to view a group of 10-week-old cross collie puppies for sale. There I found Beau. He has helped change my life in many ways. The companionship, trust, loyalty and love he has shown me, has been second to none. His presence in my life has been calming, and has helped with the greater stability of my mind. He is my truest friend, my strongest companion.
His happiness and friendly enthusiasm often take away my concerns and the trials of my life. I believe Angels are messengers. Beau’s message to me is to remind me of the simplicity of life, the ease in which happiness and a smile can be found.

DONNA:
It’s not going to be easy to get to the Himalayas or purchase the gear you need for this great undertaking. What’s the plan?

STUART:
Well, I have most of the gear now. I have been to the Himalayas 4 times since 2003. Any extra equipment I need for potential climbs, can be hired in Kathmandu. My Sherpa Guide and friend Nuru, has all the extra equipment available.
I need to raise £25000 to pay for the actual Everest climb. But before I get to Everest I will be climbing Mera Peak Nepal 6500m, October this year. Im hoping that when I succeed with this climb, doors will open for Everest. And people will start to believe that I have the capabilities to succeed with my climbing ambitions.

DONNA:
Tell me about the documentary? White lantern film based in the UK have been following my life for the past 2 years now.

STUART:
White Lantern Film have been following me for the past two and half years. Filming my personal views and experiences with schizophrenia. Funding for the documentary is very hard to find. To get a film fully commissioned is like climbing a separate Everest in itself.

There has been quite a bit of interest in White Lanterns project with me. Examples and ideas for the documentary have been presented at the likes of the Cannes film festival. But a full commission has yet to be secured. The content and information about the documentary can be found on the One Mans Mountain website. www.onemansmountain.com
It will for sure, offer a deep insight into schizophrenia and will be a fascinating and unique documentary film to watch. With the purpose to educate, to inspire and promote positive recovery.

DONNA:
If people want to sponsor you being the first person with paranoid schizophrenia to climb Everest, would you accept donations large and small? And where would people donate?

STUART:
People can visit the One Mans Mountain website http://www.onemansmountain.com. All donations are very welcome.

DONNA:
I’ve met you through Sacha Vais, at Irked Magazine. Tell me more about Irked and what you been doing there?

STUART:
Sacha contacted me sometime ago, asking if I would contribute to Irked Magazine. Once I read about there values and aims I simply jumped at the chance to contribute. The magazine content and Sacha’s enthusiasm is nearly as infectious as my dog beau, and that’s a huge compliment! I have full agreement with the values and support Sacha and Irked magazine offers to people. I have the greatest admiration and respect for Sacha and what he is achieving, not only for himself but for others. He is simply a good man!

The Irked statement is below.

Irked is committed to the concept that people improve when they know someone is paying attention. We believe that people everywhere can become less sad, or worried, or angry, or violent, or self-destructive simply by being given a forum to publish their work, and the dignity that comes with that sort of thing. We aim to provide a non-judgemental space in which people can explore matters of the heart.

http://www.irkedmagazine.com

DONNA:
Is there anything you want to ask me?

STUART:
Yes. The 1st question- what inspires you? How do you manage to work with your cognitive difficulties to create your writing and art. Where did you find your confidence, self belief that you could achieve all that you have achieved.
2nd-Yeah, when you come over to the land of Poms come and have a beer with me! Or two! If we get on, three!

DONNA:
Ha ha, very funny. Firstly, about the beer. I’m from a background of alcoholism, so I’ll make mine sparkling water… maybe 3 😉

As for self belief and confidence. Nah. Those are utterly irrelevant. With bipolar stuff, one is so elated in mania that confidence doesn’t figure and in depressive episodes confidence is irrelevant because neither state reflects the true confidence level of the person when not in episodes. I’d say I’m neither confident nor unconfident. When I start a work I have a pile of impulses competing for my gut, working through to my mind, cascading me with doubts and ideas racing at simultaneous speed until they both obliterate most conscious thought. This switches me over into ‘channeling’ in a sense, I just give myself over to the art, its a bit like giving oneself over to God, perhaps its the same 😉 But I guess I could say a lot of my creativity is because I can’t trust mind, or confidence or stability, so I trust art. I share feelings through arts in ways verbal words stifle because of anxiety and being an extremely solitary type.

As for what inspires me? I feel all things speak; the rain, smells, movement, textures, everything. So whilst I spend most of my time alone, I never feel I’m without dialog because I’m surrounded always by interaction and dialog on many sensory levels,…its just often not speech. I love the entity of things, all things, and their patterns of inter-relationships. I guess I’m a natural anthropologist, but also the artist in me, the musician, the sculptor, the painter the writer, I see music in interactions, see sculpture in actions, see living paintings in the world around me.

Thanks for the interview Stuart.

Warmly,

Donna Williams
author, artist, composer, screenwriter
http://www.donnawilliams.net