Hardly genius
 So many of the kindhearted, inspirational women on AWA are so wildly gifted, brilliant, highly intelligent. But after hearing the nods of similarities so many had to Temple Grandin’s successful teenage transition into academia and geekdom, I felt I had to assert my reality among them for otherwise I’d sit feeling like an alien among them all, ashamed of my lack of shared experience.
Unlike Temple with her wonderful mentors, tutors, supportive family and professional guidance toward her highly successful career in engineering and the slaughter industry, I was not earmarked for success nor did I appear to have any shining potential worth investing in. By all observations, I was a write off and eventually all hope was invested in my possible career on a factory production line.
My high school years were spent at 4 high schools in 3 years, largely in the co-ordinators office (one in particular was a lovely woman, Caroline Hogg, went on to become a cool MP). I was often wandering in the community (teachers would come out by car hunting for me to bring me back and find me in all manner of places where I’d wandered off like a dementia patient). I was constantly asked by teachers if I had any common sense of a brain in that head and told with pity that I had no future, once even shaken by one and shoved against the wall he was so frustrated with me.
I was feral, confused, attacked many children, became the crazy girl kids would provoke into fighting then surround me to watch me attack. I had very little capacity to converse comprehensibly, had litanies that drove people mad and characterisations that would leave others laughing in between feeling sorry for me. I was unassessable, banned from all excursions and most classes and offered exemption by age 14, pulled out by age 15 and sent to a factory where I lasted 3 days in my first of 30 jobs in 3 years.
I still had some good times, and I gathered many underdogs, dags and the most damaged of people would feel ok with me for I had no capacity for judgement. It really formed the foundations of my Gadoodleborgonianism and my Taoist bent. Translated… it ultimately made me a fairly good person.
But among the Aspie stories in which so many are ‘like Temple’ and I almost never hear stories like mine. Maybe my peers mostly grew up to live on the streets, not in academia. Nevertheless, I’m sure some live safe, happy lives.
🙂 Donna Williams, Dip Ed, BA Hons
author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter
http://www.donnawilliams.net
My story is an in-betweener. I had a lot of advantages, and I’ve been through a lot of hellish experiences. I’ve been on both sides of the poverty line. I was someone who had a variety of mental issues, but looked and acted normal enough to simply be written off as a brat. (Jesus, I hate the word with a passion. And there are STILL so many people that think autism is a trendy disorder to mask ba parenting…that’s why there are so many autistic kids now! Duhhh…)
There are two challenges you can face when you have a mental handicap of some sort…either people completely underestimate you and don’t waste their time on you, or they overestimate you and assume that whatever you don’t achieve is your fault or is because of bad teaching/parenting. In other words, it reflects on you. Both suck. Both do no one any good. Both need to stop.
Anyway, living with that stigma and without that support was difficult for me, but I also had parents that wanted me and that saw my strengths and knew that I wasn’t a bad kid. They didn’t let other people tell them how to deal with me. I was lucky enough to go to a small school with competent staff that really seem to love their jobs.
My parents were screw-ups in a lot of ways, but really great people in other ways. Like all of us, they could be stupid and selfish. They could also be generous and wise. They were both mentally ill, but had the good sense to acknowledge it and try to improve their lives and thus mine. Hey, whose perfect?
I will say this, though. Going through bad experiences does NOT necessarily make you a better person. I know too many people who testify to that. And good experiences are just as good, and in fact, better than bad experiences, because you don’t have to struggle to learn the lesson and apply it. In fact, that struggle often gets in the way of finding that lining.
However, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Yeah, there are a lot of things in my life that I wish could have been different, but in the end, I am very happy with my life. I did learn a lot, both from my good and bad experiences. And now, I have so many opportunities to make it better and to make it into what I want, partly because I know both what worked for me and what didn’t work.
I can honestly say that I have no real regrets. I think the autistic community can do a lot for all autistics when we are accurate about each person’s strengths and weaknesses, and that no two people are alike. No autistic person deserves to be labled stupid or useless, or be accused of being selfish or antisocial. It all comes down to a lack of understanding.