I Committed Murder In The Kitchen
He came at me from nowhere, rushing toward me. By instinct, I had grabbed my corn chips, Hole-Sum Originals, no less. No added anything. Then, twack, I’d landed my first blow. Still he flailed, manicly. Inside of me, my conscience screamed, “stop it, you murdererâ€. But my bag of corn chips struck another heavy blow. His legs detached and my guilt was merciless. He’s broken now, you bitch, how could you, finish him off. So I did, with full consciousness, trying to justify how this one inch creature had so threatened all five foot three of me.
I apologised to God, just in case there was one (I’m a spiritual Atheist) and cursed my arachnophobic instincts. I’m sorry I murdered you in my kitchen, Mr Spider. I swear, in my warped instantaneous reality, I murdered you in self defence.
Donna Williams, Dip Ed, BA Hons.
Author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter.
Autism consultant and public speaker.
LOL! Suspense, humor, and morality in a few short sentences. I really enjoy your writing (and I can totally relate). But the question is, are the corn chips okay?
Yes, sadly, I had so little real remorse I went on to eat the corn chips. Or perhaps I could say I ate them in memory of the spider who may well have been after the corn chips all along!
I won’t tell Caselyn, as she loves creepy things. May his little soul rest in pieces!
My anxiety about spiders started when I got caught on a barbed wire fence aged about 5 and a huge bush spider was in a web right by me. When I was 9 I was staying in the bush in a room with a massive huntsman on the wall behind me. I didn’t know it. Then my uncle raced into the room with an air rifle and shot it off the wall. That’s enough to associate spiders with fear, I’m sure. But when they move, with so many legs, it just sets off the panic buttons. I do try and catch the slow moving ones and put the outside. But this one charged at me. Seriously!
Hey, I understand your fear of creepy crawlies, Donna, but honestly, spiders never ever eat corn chips. Now if it had been a cockroach…that’s different!
Peace,
Kathleen
hahaha very surreal
ah, one surrealist bows to the other 😉
I’m so glad the corn chips got eaten. It was making me very hungry.
well, had I not eaten them I’d have had enviro guilt AND murderer guilt!
You know, I’m a vegan and I turned a scorpion who stung me into a crunchy spot on the ground one time – it is just instinct . . . and it hurt like hell!