Losing track of the body

January10

I know of adults and teens with autism who have spoken or written about losing awareness of parts of their body… they’ve felt they are floating without awareness of volitionally using their legs, or felt they are just a head and the body is working ‘without them’. I wanted to know about other people’s experiences so I put it to those on my Facebook Page:

Rose Holmes
Had out of body experiences. Left my body and could sometimes look down at myself. Happened a lot when I was a kid. Not so often as an adult.

China Pink
I lose my arms, sometimes they make me jump when i ‘find’ them again. Sometimes i see ‘something’ and its ‘too close’ and I move away instinctively, then I realise its just my arm. i lose my legs too. I can be walking along and I can only …feel my body from my head to my waist, it feels like I am hitching a lift and being carried by the lower part but I am not aware of the parts as ‘legs’. My right hand and my left hand do not recognise each other either, if one touches the other its the same as touching another persons hands. Sometimes I ‘lose’ my arms or my legs or they do stuff and then I ‘see what they have just done’ or that my feet got me to a certain place etc. Sometimes I ‘park’ my arms in a certain way so i dont have to think about them. I didnt speak until I was 4 although I think I remember thinking things before I used speech. it has taken me a long time to acknowledge them as I find it hard to admit that I can be different but acceptable, that having alternative selves is not a form of madness, but indeed the minds way of providing the means to function when mind body and core self do not correlate very well.

Brigianna Spencer
I sometimes feel dissociated from my body as a whole, like a ghost.

China Pink
yep, I know that feeling, like your not really there at all, or floating outside but I think this thread is just for missing body parts 😉 i lose my feet sometimes and then I have to go on all fours to get up and down the stairs because i’ve lost them so much i dont know if i can get up the stairs or not.

Donna Williams
I’ve done the ghost thing, the out of body thing, the automaton how did my body get here thing… the OMG, whose arm is that… oh, heck, it’s mine thing… laughing at my own legs or hand thing.

Lisa Marie Beddell
I’m able to lose awareness of everything so completely forget I’m me I can forget where I’m standing then think where was I a minute ago somebody once told me that this is not due to my autism but a shut down due to stress I don’t believe that at all. the fact that I have the ability to control this state of awareness to some degree I can do this when I’m not stressed, proving this is not caused by stress. although I suppose stress can make this more apparent I don’t think this is to do with stress. it seems to be an autistic related trait

Donna Williams
Hi Lisa, I think it is dissociative… but I think that those experiencing chronic anxiety and overload dissociate… and those with autism experience these things more and for more years than most human beings… if those people are ALSO abused, then my view is it can add more straws to the camel’s back, so to speak… so it pushes natural and already expanded dissociative abilities further.

Rebecca Lili Roper
When I was I child, people and things used to shrink and then become large again. It was like alice in wonderland. I also uses to feel floaty n dissociate and forget I existed.

Donna Williams
Hi Lisa, I have feelings like throwing myself backwards over the sofa to make myself laugh, then I find my body is (luckily) still standing there… that I haven’t done it, yet I felt as if I had… as if my ‘geist’, my soul, did it, but my body didn’t follow. I’m always either finding my body didn’t do what my soul went off and did or vice versa, that my body crossed the room or put something away and my soul had no idea it had done it.

Leanne Casarotto
I don’t have an autism diagnosis, my son has Asperger’s and I share a lot of traits, possibly could have AS depending on who you talk to! I have the feeling sometimes that I ‘lose’ my legs while I am walking. Used to freak me out a bit, and I never discussed it with anyone, just thought it was me. Have to just breathe, relax and trust that my legs know what they are doing with carrying me! Wasn’t until I started reading about ASD that I realised that I wasn’t the only one. Has happened with a lot of things actually.

Sondra Williams
I experience this sort of but cant explain and not have of the words to do it well but I to often feel as if my being is of an illusion and often refer to my body parts as sperate parts of me not connected as a whole. it is of though as if my mind is of existing outside of a shell of a body yet connected. I to often feel as if existing in a day dream of mixed uncertain fantasy/pretend and mixed realities, not able to discern what is of real or not. it is of mixed up some things of pretend are of understood to be of pretend but other things some assume should be understood as pretend are of reality for me. and things or reality often can seem as pretend so it is of a confused mixed processing of information as well.

Rachel Vivace
i’ve felt as though one part of my body (e.g. my hand, etc.) were on a different plane somehow than the rest of my body (e.g. my arm, my mainframe, etc.)

Linda Hubbeling Lange Wattonville
Here’s how my 14-year old daughter Madison answered your question: “My body becomes ward if its own volition. I mean that most of my movements are not a result of intention, but rather more of a reflex. Daring to say movement seems separate from my mind, most of the time.”

Maureen Pouliot
I lived that until the age of sixteen. When I had sense of the reality, it’s really really scary!

Richard Maguire
I used to feel my body was not connected when I was young, it seemed weird I don’t recall any after 10.

Teresa Caceres
I think that my son had that kind of experiences when he was little, and sometimes now. HE used to be scared of the movement of his own hand.

Sam Treadwell
I have felt like my body is not attached to me but this was due to a depressive episode but it can also happen when I suffer from sensory overload, especially when I am in a busy environment!

Aunty Jack
in times of extreme stress, i wear tight fitting hiking boots so that I am able to be aware of my feet. I can’t worry about the fashion police because the consequence is falling over a lot or stepping on things I should not. Severe discomfort is the only thing that helps.

Donna Williams
Hi Aunty Jack, yes, I can relate… feeling my feet is essential… often that felt like all I was, hand, feet and eyes.