A woman featured on Dr Phil in this video talking about her open hatred for her autistic daughter.
The public’s response to her was incomprehension. How could a mother say to the daughter’s face that she hated her?

But there are parents who advertise they love their child at every turn, the child they physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually abuse. A parent might call that child every piece of verbal filth their hatred can come up with, yet continue to relentlessly advertise they love the child, even utilise the child’s rejection of them to gain sympathy and support from those they’ll then use as accomplices to continue ‘the game’.

Do they love? Narcissistically they ‘love’ their narcissistic object, the toy, the doll, the pet, they feel they own which happens to be their child. They may even be addicted to the child they abuse. This is the only ‘love’ they know, compulsion, addiction, projection, narcissistic ownership.

To live with a parent who hates you but can’t openly face or publicly own up to that can be worse … they may lie to themselves, to everyone who’ll listen (relatives, inlaws, your siblings, their partner, neighbors, local shop keepers, even complete strangers. This is part of their gaslighting, and it can become their life long addiction.

Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception and sanity.[1] Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.

They may go through your papers and ID cards, approach your bank and claim you are a missing person and plead for your details. They may track you down over and over and over again through the electoral roll until you have to be a silent voter. They may send others with messages they can’t get to you directly and ensure they gain them as accomplices in their gaslighting into the bargain.

They may contact your workplace, if they find it, telling your employers you are a missing person or that they are concerned you were injured or killed in a recent catastrophe, even going so far as to claim to have seen your name or face on a news report, anything to gain compliance from those you trust, those you’re involved with, those who might continue the gaslighting on their behalf.

They may use your siblings to keep entangled with you until your siblings are puppets in your abuser’s determination to never let the game end. Then you may have to forfeit even contact with your siblings.

If you move overseas, they may write you letters smothering the envelope with kisses and messages for any stranger involved with you who might collect the post before you get it :’To my daughter, who I love very very much, love from Mom, I love you xxxxxxxxxxxxx’. Birthdays and Christmas may bring out extra special effort in their pursuit. The heartbroken mother role may get laid on thick and all the stops are pulled out to ‘at least get a loving birthday message to you’. And you dare not be rejecting or unappreciative. And then there’s funerals. And if you don’t show up to them, its still an opportunity to remind all present how you ‘can’t forgive them’ for what you ‘imagine they have done’.

A psychopathic parent like this doesn’t hate you… they ‘love’ you. But their definition of this may be that they own you, their doll, inescapably, possessively, even erotically, for ever….

Donna Williams, BA Hons, Dip Ed.
Author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter.
Autism consultant and public speaker.
http://www.donnawilliams.net

I acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the Traditional Owners of this country throughout Australia, and their connection to land and community.