I presently have around 11,000 people a month visit my blog and website, another 5000 on my FB page, then there’s Twitter and You Tube. I have 10 published books, videos and artworks all around the world. Yet in 1991 when my first book, Nobody Nowhere, became the first international bestseller by any person diagnosed with autism, I rejected the TV appearances and the offer to be followed for a week by a photographer from Time Magazine. I soon also rejected the ‘autism circus’ atmosphere of ‘Meet The Speaker‘ sessions at major autism conferences and failed to embrace the ‘it girl’ thing.

The result was that whilst I did radio and print interviews, I progressively prefered a strong, stable sense of ‘my own life’ and I treated fame as a disability that had attached itself to the peripheries of my life. It was something I felt was unhealthy if it began to take over my life, my personhood, to contort me or make me a product, an object, however revered.

I had already grown up being both abused, endangered and paraded as a ‘narcissistic object’ to mother with substance abuse and mental health issues. She had called me ‘Dolly’ since she began dressing me in ballet tutus from around the age of 3 and being her ‘doll’ was a very dangerous thing to be (in fact ‘Dolly’ was the original title of Nobody Nowhere. The publisher wanted it changed as it was the same name as Dolly magazine). When I encountered fame it brought with it echoes of that same PTSD, and I was wary of it, I didn’t trust it, I certainly couldn’t build my sense of worth upon it or allow it to devour my sense of self.

There are personality traits which predispose to enjoying fame, embracing it, experiencing it as ‘ego syntonic‘, as ‘part of self’ and one’s own identity. Those with the Self Confident personality trait who thrive on being ‘special’ and ‘exceptional’ and fear being ‘ordinary’, ‘typical’, ‘just one of the masses’. Those with the Inventive personality trait, who thrive on recognition and fear obscurity or scorn. Those with the Conscientious personality trait who thrive on achievement and control which they get through ‘reaching the top of their field’. Those with the Vigilant personality trait who feel they are ‘fighting for the underdog’. Those with the Self Sacrificing trait who live for being useful to others.

I was conscientious enough to be a ‘high achiever’, Vigilant enough to want to fight for people’s equality, Self Sacrificing enough to want to be of service and of use. But my other traits: Idiosyncratic, Exuberant, Solitary, Serious, all of these worked best with a more low key life, an artistic life, one with the sanctity of solitude. None of these particularly managed fame.

I handle being ‘somewhat famous’ by choosing to ignore it where possible, building and having a ‘real life’, insisting on being a ‘dag’, never over investing in popularity (nor allowing myself to fear unpopularity), being cautious of those who glorify and rejecting the ‘pedestals’ they might offer, rejecting pointless and exploitative publicity, refusing to become the sock puppet or narcissistic object of any group or any promoter, avoiding sychophantry and encouraging people to not lose sight of their personhood in all its raving individuality.

Donna Williams, BA Hons, Dip Ed.
Author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter.
Autism consultant and public speaker.
http://www.donnawilliams.net

I acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the Traditional Owners of this country throughout Australia, and their connection to land and community.