An Aspie was wondering if finding babies cute and adorable was the same if you had one…. having them means

changing nappies… shit and piss, for around 2-3 years several times a day… so around 3000 times… it means listening to crying daily for the first 6 months… around 182 days of it… where the only way to stop this is to be sleep deprived and get up and feed the baby no matter how grumpy or tired you may be…

it means listening to screaming and tantrums and meltdowns for the first 3 years… so around 1000-3000 times in that 3 years… it means having to have the money to keep the child housed, fed, clothed, schooled, entertained for 18 years.

it means having to keep the child for 18 years even if you don’t get along or are incompatible and even if you can’t cope. it means being needed and hopefully liked if not loved but this could change on a whim if they feel angry at you for however long they are angry with you.

My mother wanted a doll… a girl doll… she had one… it was cute… she found it intolerably real so stayed drunk and her resentment and entrapment with a child she hadn’t bonded with and which hadn’t bonded with her turned her into an abuser.

Children are not objects. If you find them cute, just cute…something to dress up and show off… then this is how they seem as objects. The reality is much broader. The love of any family member is a wonderful thing.. including a child… but not all children love their parent… sometimes that doesn’t happen for a range of reasons. But if you created that child then you have a contract to stick by them even if you hate them, to do them no harm even if you hate them… for at least 18 years if not longer.

If you have a child with autism, and as an Aspie there is up to 50% chance you could have a child with any level of autism, then you would need to remember that even those with Aspergers have an unemployment rate of 80-90% so you would need to be able to ensure you have the finances to keep them for not just 18 years, but perhaps for their entire life span. You also cannot rely on services because services that exist at present may be cut under different governments, different economic conditions, or non existant 5 years, 10 years or 20 years from now.

Donna Williams, BA Hons, Dip Ed.
Author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter.
Autism consultant and public speaker.
http://www.donnawilliams.net

I acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the Traditional Owners of this country throughout Australia, and their connection to land and community.