It was always very hard for me to talk about the ‘fruit salad’ of my parents. In the autism world there was MASSIVE taboo to speak of having anything other than wonderful, loving, well adjusted parents… otherwise one was ‘an abuse case’, everything about one’s developmental disabilities was then cast into some ‘pity box’, one couldn’t possibly have be a REAL ‘autistic’ because ‘real autistics’ were only and ever then born to ‘healthy’ parents.

My father, not as meaning deaf as his mother, still seemed to miss large chunks of what was said to him. He filled the gaps with his entertaining repetitive stories, with his quips and characterisations or made a match without seeming to get the full meaning or significance of what was said. I felt fitted ADHD, Dyslexia, Bipolar, was Schizotypal and had Dissociative Identity Disorder. He was also a substance abuser, a criminal and behaved like a sex addict (no, HE has never sexually abused me).

Of course as Aspergers came to light in society in the 1990 people realised there were parents on the spectrum, then ADHD joined the autism spectrum and it was accepted some parents of those with autism could have Aspergers, or ADHD.

Then co-morbid mood, anxiety, compulsive disorders were recognised in those on the spectrum – another taboo was that those with autism could only have this SINGULAR, PURE mysteries condition called ‘autism’, that it could never be blurred by co-morbids added and well mixed into the info processing or sensory perceptual issues. So then we had to face that some parents could be have AS, ADHD, co-morbids.

Then we came to face that some kids and adults on the spectrum had personality disorders, such as OCPD, Schizoid Personality Disorder, Schizotypal Personality Disorder, and reluctantly society faced that some also had Dependent Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder and, god forbid, Borderline complicating their autism or AS. So now we had to face that parents on the spectrum could have an information processing difference/disorder, an attention deficit, mood, anxiety, compulsive, and personality disorders in any combination.

Finally, we were able to explore psychopathy and whether killers those like Martin Bryant could have both AS and psychopathy. The public of course couldn’t bare the idea but with psychopathy being found to be a brain anomaly, why couldn’t someone be born with more than one co-occurring brain anomaly.

Then we weren’t allowed to suggest that parents of those with autism could be substance abusers, but with some adults on the spectrum speaking out about their own alcoholism and substance abuse, and of course some were parents too, then we had to face that someone with a range of ‘fruit salad’ could also abuse substances.

Finally, we talked about dissociation, how this occurred naturally in all children up to the age of five as part of development, how derealisation, depersonalisation and splitting off experiences is part of a spectrum and all humans can experience these things. From there we had to face that as human beings, those on the autism spectrum, and those with all combinations of ‘fruit salad’ could also experience dissociation and that under extreme enough circumstances this could develop into a range of dissociative disorders; the wanderings of fugues, dissociative amnesia, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, DDNos and in the most extreme cases, DID.

Finally, coming full circle, we have had to face that there are parents who have abused and murdered their children with autism, we have faced the cases in the papers, on the net. And so we know there are children with autism subjected to horror, in the home, sometimes in residential care. We have heard about the compulsive bullying they lived with in schools, the restraining and injuries they experienced from teachers and workers managing them.

So we can no longer deny that autism is all angels born to saints, nor even that compulsive over protection has saved or helped them. We can not longer deny that some children with autism will need to be removed from parents unfit to care for them who refuse help to acquire parenting skills, boundaries, balance. We can no longer glorify the families or those with autism by excluding troubled families complicated by their own information processing disorders, mental illness, personality disorders, or substance abuse.

We will have to become transparent, allowing welfare officers and social workers to become assistants assisting dysfunctional, disturbed, damaged, disabled families and primarily their children, not feared as the enemy, the judge and jury, the invader. We will have to stop self righteously dividing society into the ‘good people’ and the ‘bad people’ to turn ourselves into saints by silencing and invalidating others and their equally valid realities.

Donna Williams, BA Hons, Dip Ed.
Author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter.
Autism consultant and public speaker.
http://www.donnawilliams.net

I acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the Traditional Owners of this country throughout Australia, and their connection to land and community.