Polly's pages (aka 'Donna Williams')

Ever the arty Autie

Lose self defeating mindsets – Committting ‘Constructive’ Suicide

April15

Gentle by autistic artist Donna Williams We can commit constructive suicide every day

We can kill off the call to the adrenaline rush of threatening our own life

We can kill off the lust to provoke regret from our enemies

We can kill off the enjoyment of indulging in projections of our own self pity of how ‘they’ll all wish I’d lived’.

We can kill off the competition with others who inspire us with how much more desperate and determined their attempts, their hopelessness was than our own.

We can kill off the indulgence in self hatred, self disgust and accept that we may not be what we admired in others but we can begin to love what is uniquely our own combination of traits even if others don’t.

We can kill off the belief that life holds no hope, no joy, no excitement, no importance and damned well make a daily plan to take tiny steps each day to create these things instead of thinking it is someone else’s job.

We can kill off the pride which stops us from caring about ourselves just because nobody else showed us we were worth it.

We can kill off the belief that we are not worth it and consider all those who have nobody and how we could be a somebody in those lives in some way.

We can kill off unreasonable expectations that only an improbably minority could ever achieve anyway and start being ‘fair’.

We can kill off playing with the dark whilst we weaken our experience in exploring the light.

We can kill off the belief that life with medication or anti-anxiety or mood altering supplements are such an extreme imposition we would rather be dead.

We can kill off the belief that suicide is an answer because suicide is nothing and nothing will not solve anything.

Welcome to the adventure of life if you dare.

…Donna Williams

http://www.donnawilliams.net

posted under Donna Williams
2 Comments to

“Lose self defeating mindsets – Committting ‘Constructive’ Suicide”

  1. On April 13th, 2010 at 10:50 pm mario Says:

    very nice i can say that too in helping other people… but i can not help myself. i have anxiety i can not go anyplace alone, my wife is got to take me to work and pick me up every day. i used to like fixing up my home not anymore. i do not like myself, i hate my job,i hate living,i’m hoping to get a desease were it will make me suffer in agony and then die.
    but i hope that my loved ones don’t suffer

  2. On April 13th, 2010 at 11:18 pm donna Says:

    Hi Mario,

    you might find these useful

    http://www.ptypes.com/dependentpd.html#values
    http://www.ptypes.com/masochisticpd.html#values

    It’s time you saw a therapist specialising in personality disorders.

    good luck.