My husband Chris and I have an interesting time trying to navigate our way around each other in the kitchen. He is rather mono and huggy and struggles with the simultaneous self and other thing which means that he tries to hug me whilst I’m in the midst of me doing other things, which anyone autistic will know I find drives me balmy. I adore the fella but I like to be doing nothing when approached with a hug, even better I’m much better doing the approaching.

Chris apologises and tells me he didn’t notice I was doing anything. It’s like he sees ME or a concept of me, but can’t process what I’m doing whilst he’s initiating his own actions. Well, he knows he’s rather related to the spectrum so its all accepted in our house which is just as well because boy oh boy don’t I have my own version….
Going the other way I tend to push him around, literally. And there’s no place I push him around more than in our narrow long kitchen where I’m busy and keep finding obstacles in my way (I should fill in here that I’m object blind meaning there’s a delay in processing what I SEE. If I’m holding it I know what it is, but the seeing parts a bit, well, ‘different’). And when I found a big lump obstructing my way to loading the dishwasher in preparation for lunch, our conversation recently went like this.

Chris: Don’t PUSH me!

Donna: I DIDN’T

Chris: What do you mean, you DIDN’T? You pushed me.

Donna: I didn’t push YOU.

Chris: Of course you pushed me, who did you think I was.

Donna: You were a lump, a lump that was in my way and wouldn’t budge.

Chris: So you pushed me.

Donna: Yes, of course.

Chris: But I’m a person.

Donna: Yes, you see yourself that way but to me you are like a lump that grumps at me. All the other lumps in my way don’t grump at me when I push them out of the way but you do.

Chris: Because I’m a not a lump, I’m a person.

Donna: I saw a lump. A lump that was an obstacle. Sure, you are a lump that thinks it has free will.

Chris: Don’t I?

Donna: I think you imagine you do but in New Scientist magazine apparently nothing has free will.

Chris moves on to attend to the cooking, rather amazed at my perception.

Donna: I do know you’re a person, but not at the time when I’m busy doing something. When I’m busy doing something you’re just a lump.

Chris: The lump that grumps?

Donna: Yes, that’s it.

Donna and Chris have a chuckle, make up a song, do a silly dance in the kitchen then serve and eat lunch (and because Chris is present, its not even burned!).

🙂 Donna Williams *)

http://www.donnawilliams.net