Cyber Bully
I’m sure most of you have had one.
We met upon a page
your invitation, tame,
but who could see the spider’s webs, not I
as I entered your mind game.
You danced about upon the thread
I entered, without fear or dread,
then came the jabs, one, two and three,
and my feet were stuck,
I could not flee.
You smarmed your way around me
gloating, barking, snapping, poking
I was a toy, just a creation,
in your paranoid imagination.
You are you and I am me,
I broke the thread, and left you there
but still you followed
stalkers do
and indeed you found me everywhere.
A Jesus-mimic martyr
with your well masked fascist style
a mind replaced by rhetoric
you danced in circles waving sticks
throwing victims on a pile.
The sleeze may see a body,
the sadist lusts for power
but you’d proclaim some moral high ground
for tedious hour after hour.
You claim you love humanity
but of the human, you can’t see
you shed crocodile tears over torture,
whilst you stick the boots in me.
Donna Williams
For further poems, please visit:
http://www.donnawilliams.net
author, artist, composer, screenwriter.
I’d like to finish with a poem sent to me by a commenter. Its called The Genius of The Crowd by Charles Bukowski
.
Yes i have one, and yes this is very much how it can feel.
well, just know you’re not alone.
and also that their bullying/stalking is usually more about them than it is about you
but its because they can’t face/admit that its about them
or because they have too many vested interests in making it about you
and that’s why they can’t face up to what they’re doing.
Yes, Donna I know what you mean. Sometime ago on a blog I had someone attack me, through making a derogatory reference to my “autistic” son. This person did this to upset me, and because he couldn’t refute what I said through fair means..
This blog was one of general discussion, not about autism.
I had on occasion though, mentioned my dear little fella, and the fact that he was autistic..
It was as if someone had punched me in the stomach..
I felt ill.
Put up a “brave face” though..
Didn’t want this nasty person to think that he had affected me.
Didn’t want to give him the satisfaction..
Still hurts though..
I’m so sorry to hear that. I don’t know where they get the time. It must rob their own families of quality time. And how can they escape that head space of militancy and hatred to really be accessible as parents, friends, brothers, sisters. In the end, their lives are suffering and they don’t even know it. They put so much passion into their cause in going after people, that it gets like a drug to them, and they are probably as available to their own families as an addict is when having a primary relationship with drugs. So as much as its really scary to find anyone pathologically fixating on me, in the end, whatever discomfort they cause me, I know there’s must be greater. Addiction is incredibly hard to live with and when these people think their addiction is their selfhood, they are far from any place of hope. Number 1 rule, no matter how personal they make it, don’t take it personally.
I have had someone issue death threats against me when I was 15 when I write posts in favor of reproductive rights on a political blog. Actually, a couple of people wrote death threats to me.
On that same blog, on that same issue, a lot of people who disagreed with me issued lame attacks on my character, called me rather wretched names, and the usual sludge. One time, I got sick of dealing with one particularly vicious one and wrote something…rather interesting, to say the least. (I will not repeat it here; it’s kind of X-rated.)
But that was the only time I ever “lost it.” Usually, I handled myself very well, and was never nearly as vicious as the trolls.
But yes, the emotions described in the poem are correct and the poem, of course, is very well-written.
And I can’t believe that anyone would insult an autistic child. What a jackass!
‘Sludge’
good term.
There’s a Buddhist saying
‘if you lay with fish, you’ll smell like fish’
I try and remember that.
Most trolls have such entrenched views
that they won’t even hear you
they only hear what confirms the mindset and opinions they’ve already formed.
I think we don’t understand them
so we wrongly presume they are capable of discussion.
Its so hard to hold back and say nothing though
especially when they threaten with shame campaigns and the like.
I try and get on with gardening or art
and remind myself that the online world isn’t the real world at all.
the trick is to limit high expectations of people
that makes it harder to be disappointed.
To my beautiful cuz,
Who helps to save the world
You are the one of the good guys always remember that!
xxsam
hello funky dagette,
fancy seeing you here.
as for saving the world
I’m sure its saved me more than I’ve saved it
but yeah, I at least try and give as much as my existance takes from this world
I’m almost over my survivor guilt complex 😉
I also think everyone, cyber bullies too
think they’re the good guys.
its all a matter of perspective
I do feel conflict can be constructive
but even in a boxing ring there are the referees rules
for a clean fight
and I wouldn’t throw a punch unless I was certain my sources of info were straight from the person themselves
otherwise I’m shadow boxing
and may well knock myself out
yes, it was fab finding you too oh representative of the Bonnell clan.
🙂
[…] a similar topic, you might want to read Cyber Bully by Donna Williams, which contains the excellent advice: I don’t know where they get the time. It […]
hii,
who was bullying you?
could, maybe, it partially be?? or every be?? that there was some hard stuff for you to face from the “bully” and maybe it’s easier for you and easier on you to claim “bully!!!” run!.
just playing devils-advocate. a possibility here with what I think?
it’s a poem.
[…] natural desire to compete. I will defend myself… something bullies, abusers, stalkers and trolls have taught me over many years. But beyond the moment, it’s as if they evaporate. And […]
Hi Donna, I just want to tell you that I really like your poem a lot. I too became a victim of a cyber bully and they did a great deal of personal damage to me. It is great for you that you could express your feelings in a poem; I too am a poet and did not think of writing about it, but maybe it would have helped me if I did. I can tell from your words that the person believed themself to be religious or a Christian. I think the ones who came after me also had this misconception but let me tell you, (if you do not know this) that there is a huge difference between someone being religious or being a believer. There are many people who say they are a Christian because it sounds good on paper, but in practice they really are not, because they do not have Christ in their heart. They may go through their whole life believing they are right and a true believer, but unless they have it in their heart, they are not a true believer or a true Christian. Jesus himself spoke against this type of religious person; they are only what would seem a good thing to perhaps other people, and it is only on the outside. To be a true believer it needs to be on the inside. I am a believer and I too have come up against this kind of person, they think they are something because they say they believe, and yet they may stab you in the back any chance they get. In my cyber bully experience, these people not only followed me around everywhere I went on the net, but they also got into my email files, and even my hard-drive. A lot was happening around this time and I decided to start going to a neighborhood church in seeking spiritual guidance, and they followed me there too, electronically. I had made the mistake of sending an email to the church one day, and then someone began impersonating me and wrote to the church using my email address. This wasn’t the worse part because the worse was the true colors it brought out of many of the attendees. The plot concocted by the bullies was that they said they were me but with a split personality. I suffered horrendous persecution by the people of the church because they believed the lie. I learned through this that these people too believed they were already in God’s good graces, when in fact they were going behind my back to stab me in the back with gossip. The people that got involved also proved they only had their belief on the outside, and not the inside. I suffered greatly through all that I went through, it carried on for about 4 years in all. After being at that church for 2 1/2 years I left, and also moved to a new place, and they found me again there, even with a new IP address. It is really pitiable that they don’t have anything better to do with their time, or any more of a life then to have nothing better to do but to try and destroy other people electronically.
Thank you for sharing this.
These people that were bullying me also threatened my life.
I was wondering if I could ask you some questions regarding cyberbullying?
I found your poetry intense and very personal. I would like to inquire about it and what you were thinking as you began to describe your thoughts.
Denise
maybe.
ask and I’ll see how I feel about answering.
Donna *)
i can’t post anywhere now without being attacked so as a rule i just stick to the three or four boards i co-own and that works well
its all about control and other owners controlling or censoring in the favour of those who r anti you
your reply on january 22nd is a good piece or writiing
actually i half expect you to freeze up, all the autism/aspergers etc boards ban or harass me as well
dunno what it is, too much truth perhaps? compeditiveness, brain bending writing style?
a number of factors
i do feel however that some of those who posted agreeing with your sentiments are double faced and are the first to ask for my removal from a board
this is years and years of observation
I have long pondered hatred with a logical mind and come to the conclusion hatred has no logic, nor does it have consistency. Hatred is opportunistic and hence it bends to maximise its justifications. Hence it is completely futile (and exhausting) to address of answer to hatred using logic. So if one is utterly logical, one best leave hatred to self destruct. The phrase ‘get a life’ is actually very helpful. For when one leaves haters to it, their world is actually nothing more than a pimple on the arse of humanity.
i was thinking “am i going to get the cold shoulser or simiilar or worse as per usual” and always in this situation of posting on a new board or blog that has been the case and i always knew ahead how i was going to be treated, tho i could never see it coming
but this time i knew you were going to be ok
i think i knew that because i had read some of your stuff and could see you had the sense of “the radiance beyond” without sounding too courny
so rare
but hatred arises in the absence of that sense and unfiortuantely a lot of spectrum are locked into the closed cabinet that excludes any sense of that and that makes them dangerous
fortunately to themselves as well as you point out and they are best kept distanced
i have been listening to bukowski on youtube recently and hes quite enlightening
“the genius of the crowd” reading
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gifEn61dZBc
absolutely awesome poem.
wow.
🙂
I was a victim of cyberbullying in 2003, simply for trying to make friends.
Thanks for sharing that beautiful and heartfelt poem, Donna.
Unfortunately, the cyberbullies I’m dealing with at the moment include people who claim they are “Autism Advocates.” Rather than look at the facts of the matter, they are all jumping on the knee jerk bandwagon.
And while they all loudly proclaim that they care deeply about children with Autism, they have absolutely no compunction endangering MY child who has Autism as well as an incurable life threatening illness that refuses to go into remission, all for some ridiculous vendetta.
You know the child I’m talking about, Donna. You interviewed Lewis Schofield for Irked Magazine in 2007. I remember how much he enjoyed doing the interview with you and how delighted he was to read it once it was published.
I wonder what would possess people who are involved with AWN and ASAN to act this way towards a child with Autism and his mother?
One would think that they moreso than most other people would understand that cyberbullying is not only wrong but against the law.
Hi Elyse, sometimes the politics overtakes everyday compassion and open mindedness that any one of us and our own fruit salad is no political threat to ‘the label’ or anyone’s possessiveness of the definition of ‘the label’. But once upon a time people had views today seem naive and archaic. Those who see autism as ‘one thing’ (and therefore anyone who is not one-size-fits-all preferred presentation of it is weeded out, erased etc) are already becoming the new dinosaurs in light of all the new research demonstrating autisms wide diversity. So its really just part of how knowledge evolves. In the meantime all the best to Lewis. I’m struggling with IgA and IgG deficiency at present so Lewis can always come and tell me how annoyed he is with his health and I’ll share the sentiment.
Hi Donna. This is Lewis. My mom told me that you posted a comment on your blog that I would like to read. I want to tell you that I like your poem a lot. It really hits home for me.
I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. You are a nice person and you deserve good health. My health is pretty bad, too, and it looks like I am going to have to start going to Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto to re-start IVIg infusions every month. It takes up about 4 days every month for IVIg and they’re really long days.
It really annoys me just like your health annoys you. Sometimes bodies are weird things. :-/
I hope to read more of your poems soon. And my mom says your movie should be coming out soon, too. That will be good to see.
Lewis “Codeboy” Schofield
Hi Lewis,
I’ve been referred to the immunologist to see if I’m suitable for IvIg as my IgG2 is low and I had a 4 mth Haemophilus infection which ended up in pneumonia and took 6 antibiotics and steroids after which I got a post drug PSEUDO lymphoma reaction so a rough time and my body not behaving at all. Are you also IgG2 deficient? That’s the one that stops us fighting Haemophilus and Strep… no wonder we were both such ticcy creatures (grrr).
Anyway IvIg is better than dying from the everyday bug up all people’s noses as they walk about carefree in their lovely immunity sneezing into the air. It is really sick when people decide to go to war with those with immune disorders JUST because they hate that its happening in someone with autism. But you see the reason is they fear that those like us will equate autism with illness, they are being protective of the label – their version – so they don’t actually even see us, the person, and they certainly have no idea of the health issues, experiences or risks. If they did they’d spin out.
So what’s important is to respect their fear, knowing they are still learning, they just believe they already know everything, but of course none of us do. But respecting their fear means advocating about immune deficiency and how it doesn’t reflect on all people with autism, that we are part of a particular group. There is literature in the immune deficiency world about early Primary Immune Deficiency contributing to developmental disability and sometimes autism, so its important people understand that this doesn’t mean people get IvIG for autism… in fact its not allowed, you have to have immune deficiency or IvIG is no go. So their fear is about ignorance of immune deficiency and all of its protocols. They imagine parents of healthy autistic kids being forced to get needles and transfusions out of the parents fear of ‘difference’. In fact the doctors are luckily not able to be that negligent and don’t waste precious blood plasma on healthy children… its for those with cancers and immune deficiencies that put them at risk of cancers and death from simple microbes others have and can develop immunity to (in fact one of the protocols is a test to show you can’t develop immunity to those microbes).
If parents of sick kids with autism understood that their child’s autism was secondary to the immune deficiency and that what they meant by THAT autism was disabling co-morbids, extreme mental confusion and sensory perceptual chaos and a brain being harmed by an absence of immune function, then that would help the haters chill out because they’d know they are hating the parents of ill children.
From Gupta’s studies the rough incidence of autistic kids with IgA deficiency (one of the signs IgG subclass deficiencies may also be present) is that 20% had insufficient IgA to fight their bugs or signal enzyme productions to properly digest proteins and 10% had no IgA. So understanding that our groups constitutes only around 10-20% of those diagnosed with autism should stop everyone presuming a) that any of us think all autistic people have immune disorders or b) that ours is the only type of autism or c) that health related secondary autism is the same as non-health related primary autism. At the same time because primary immune deficiencies are often inherited those of us with them were born predisposed to them and their developmental consequences so if that pans out as ‘autism’ we are as ‘naturally autistic’ as those without health issues who were also born that way even though their autism is different. In other words each type of autism is as valid as the other.
I have worked with 100s of kids with autism, a percentage of whom became formally diagnosed with immune deficiencies. Those kids and their families deserve to not be stalked, harassed or emotionally tortured by political zealots. Equally, those families need to understand their child’s health issues to not equate to ‘all kids with autism’.
One of the big problems is that when an immune deficient autistic kid gets dramatically less autistic as a result of health related treatments, the families of healthy kids with autism get pressured that they should put their healthy kid through the same (in that case unnecessary and costly) treatments. That is also ignorant and has to stop.
stay in touch Lewis. If you need an immune deficient pal, I’m here.