I heard from an Aspie who said the most riveting thing about discovering ‘autistic culture’… he said that “when someone gets diagnosed in adulthood, they have spent their whole lives learning to be neurotypical so then they have to try and learn how to be autistic”.

It wasn’t the first time I’d heard similar. I’d known of adults who so embraced their new found ‘autistic identity’ they lost the abilities they had had. Some even became completely non-verbal, volitionally quitting speech and using only typed communication on the basis they now realised/perceived this as their natural language. I knew other adults who came to quit ‘autistic culture’ because they felt they became so obsessed with all things autistic, they came to lose who they were as people. What are your experiences?

Em Whitfield
Not at all, I am just less hard on myself for my natural behaviour now.

Andrew Smith
when i was diagnosed with Aspergers some years back i have had more help and i have not changed for anyone or anything. i am me and thats the way it is. at least i know why i felt so different all my life and withdrawn.

Zachary Danger Martin
Or they could just learn to be themselves, and bugger what anyone else thinks.

Kathryn Elizabeth Duffield
Keep your “Nypical” knowledge. It will help you in the long run 🙂

Stephanie Myers McBride
My hubby did better in life before his diagnosis 6 years ago. Yes he really struggled trying to be NT, but now its like he is so relieved he’s given up trying and now the diagnosis is an excuse for trying

Libby Board
That is the feeling I am feeling now. Feel like I am caught between worlds. Trying to find my true identity. So difficult when you find you have to explain your identity to others and then they accuse you for not fitting in any box…..too strange to be neurotypical yet too normal to be autistic. WHo the hell am I??? Thought a dagnosis would solve this problem but I found it does not!

Jennifer Henry Radcliffe
It’s interesting having ADD. I feel like I can live in both worlds but I’m not COMPLETELY comfortable in either.

Colleen Harmer
No one every becomes totally neuro because we are all different in the first place. The lines are so blurred, why bother. It could just be an sign after all these years to relax and just try to enjoy being.

Libby Board
oh that might be the added extra Jennifer as I have been labeled….oh what did they say…Aspergers with ADHD tendancies or something like that. I am fine with who I am most days but I find that other people somehow need an explanation. I often resort to just saying that I have the rare condition of Libbyism 🙂

Zachary Danger Martin
What’s “normal”? I hear it mentioned, but I’ll be fucked if I can find an example of it.

Kathryn Elizabeth Duffield
I may be an Aspergian, but if I learn to act like a Nypical, then I can get far in life.

Jennifer Henry Radcliffe
Libby, I don’t have autism though. My son does, and my sister (I’m convinced) has Asperger’s, and my dad definitely has Aspie traits. So I’ve been around it all my life- and especially now as I’m very involved in a local family autism suppo…rt group. Lots of families with kids on the spectrum and a few of the adults have come forward to say that they are too, which for some was a brave step as they had been trying to hide it. I suppose I have to admit that I’m a bit more comfortable with the autism world because my own impulsivities aren’t really looked down on. It’s actively fun to talk to the adults on the spectrum, much more interesting than trying to act interested in the latest chick flick! Which I’ve also stopped doing- now I just admit that I can’t stand them!

Libby Board
Yes it is a whole family affair here as well. Hard to know if it is autism by nature or by nurture. But really in the end we are who we are and also that can vary throughout the lifespan as well. I am all for celebrating the individual.

Linke Smedts-Kreskas
Interesing thought Donna!!

Cat Taylor
People have tried putting labels on me- some have stuck and I’ve spent alot of my time trying to peel them off. I like trying to figure out whats underneath. ‎”girl” was the first one..

Kelly-Ann van Setten
Oh, totally agree, with the status. Well, not totally, but you know. It has some relevance.

Cat Taylor
what is the cultural definition of aspie now anyway?

Becky Lingwood
Having a daughter with aspergers helps! We go off into our own world together and there’s a lot of laughter.

Paula Jessop
It’s an interesting topic…I’m not sure if one should take the ‘learning to be autistic’ concept literally…what I have seen so far – in my travels into the aspie world (over a period of ten years)…and in working as a peer mentor/support person with the odd adult in the process of getting a Aspergers diagnosis as an adult…and extensive reading relating to Autism from many perspectives, insider and psych…is that there are many adults who stop trying to act ‘normal’ or NT after a diagnosis of Aspergers and begin trying to re-find AS behaviors which they may have buried or hidden…rather than necessarily attempting to learn to be autistic – it seems more a process of learning to stop preventing oneself from allowing various ASpergian or Autistic tendency’s from occurring. EG. an adult may stop forcing themselves from making eye contact or trying to socially interact using ‘scripts’. An example of possibly learning to be Aspie socially can be seen to some extent in support groups I was running…I endeavored to provide an Aspie ‘space’ which means the regular social rules do not apply…in this instance I think one could say there’s an element of learning a new cultural way of behaving EG indepth conversation with people taking turns to speak for a few minutes as opposed to fast interactive conversation or it being acceptable for individuals to sit off by themselves and not participate in conversation or for it being alright to not make eye contact etc. But I think this is more about learning to not have to stick to regular social rules rather than learning to be autistic as such. If we take learning to be autistic more literally…well, if one is literally learning to be autistic and suddenly incorporating so called autistic traits in their being which we not there before – then (and I think you may agree here Donna) this is perhaps identity confusion or personality disorder.

Trish Jubb
My husband thought I was putting it on when I started behaving more aspie. In fact I had to learn not to pretend any more and find out who i really am and what I had been hiding. I am now settled somewhere in the middle,letting myself just be who i am rather than fighting it, and i am much happier and more comfortable most of the time. I have seen much the same in my daughter.

Claire Ryan Jennifer,
our situations are almost identical both personally and with the wider family…. I Couldn’t agree more!

Rebecca Lili Roper
I know were he is coming from, but for me, my diagnosis meant I could drop all the pretence of being normal and let out all my autism come out and play, and be itself. I.e. Flap, spin, play, be alone, etc and I guess, the person who said, after the diagnosis, he had to learn to be autistic, I guess u bury that part in order to try to be neurotypical, like I did.

Aunty Jack
From what I see, people who are dxd in childhood often have far more pressure to conform than I did. For sure people were frustrated with me and tried to get me to do things the “right” way and some of those methods left a lot to be desire…d. However, I did not have IEPs designed to coordinate efforts to make me normal, so some people were free to accept eccentricity and they definitely did. I did not have anyone planning new ways to improve me as soon as I reached the next objective – huge pressure a bit like being on a treadmill you can’t get off. I am not advocating do nothing, but I really think people need to stop and assess the pressure some children and young people are under. With regard to the comments about “learning to be autistic” – I think that is exactly what happens when someone accepts the dx or the discovery of autism. Typically developing children learn the social norms from their peers. Most of us do not have the luxury of learning to be autistic in a social world because few have role models who are conscious of their autism. We have to go through the painful process of self discovery without prior knowledge or mentors and it is hard. If schools would adopt the model used by Deaf educators here, we would have autistic teacher aides in schools, liasing with teachers and providing role models for children.

Mandy Lawrence
Ha ha that sounds like my dear brother ,but he has always enjoyed being unique and mastered both well ,the trouble is my parents were proud of their eccentric son ,being very British and teachers ,its took a bit longer for having aspergers to be accepted ,but thats the British for you ,we prefer to be considered mad than have an illness or condition ,my brother is quite ok about it all because it all makes sense now

John Lang
No, I find that having been diagnosed as an adult and raised NT, it has given me the tools to properly articulate how my Asperger’s effects me, and even to recognise the situations when it does so.

Selena Maxine
I’ve been labeled more times than a jam jar! As a kid I was allowed to be autistic at home but in public I had to be normal. Once I left home I slowly start to plan my exist of the stage of so called normality and now the real Selena is fully coming back to life! Learning to be autistic again wasn’t that hard for me LOL

Daisy Walton
Since I was diagnosed with Asperger’s as a child, I have been learning to be neurotypical for my entire life. I’ve now realised though that it’s just not worth the misery that it has caused. Why would I want to fit in with a neurotypical society that doesn’t want me to be myself?

Donna Williams
I was dx’d as psychotic at age 2 (in the 60s autism was Childhood Psychosis), so I spent my life being abused, excluded, mocked, bullied for being that. I was well aware of that status as I was introduced by my mother as ‘that’s Donna, she’s psychotic’. My diagnosis of language processing disorder at age 9 at least meant people knew I wasn’t psychotic. In adulthood I was diagnosed with autism (which was actually just a new word for my diagnosis at age 2) but then I could ask about autism. This was 1990 so there were almost no fluently verbal people diagnosed with autism who I knew of and I flew to the USA to meet two others, the only two others I could find in the world… so there was no chance to learn ‘autistic culture’ as all we were were three very different people who all happened to be autistic. I guess where is the line between realising you can let go overwhelming pressure to constantly try and pass for ‘normal’, striving to function to your best ability and potential, and striving to belong in an online culture full of dictates of what is and is not autistic culture.

Selena Maxine
Annette like you I’ve also had some issues of trying to fit in and sometimes I feel like I don’t belong or fit in anywhere but that depends on who I’m dealing with :-/ but at least I’m off stage now 😀

Love Sanchez-Suarez
i think that if you get tired as you get older and it becomes harder to play normal, then acting more autistic makes sense … if you can get away with it.
but you probably have to keep some expected behaviours so you don’t get fired and stuff.

Annette Stanton-Harkness
I am definitely exhausted working with the public full time. But I have a bachelor’s degree I have to pay for. I’d love to finish my book and do more advocacy, but I’ve got to pay the bills first. Then maybe I can rest and do what I want Love!

Kimberly Gerry-tucker
Since its ingrained, I don’t understand the statement. The former goes against one’s grain, the latter is one’s natural state, and therefore easiest to “be”…

Love Sanchez-Suarez
i’m not sure there is an autistic culture. but learning to be yourself can be a process. also not all parts of oneself are good and useful…

Jodi Terenzi
I dont think you need to learn to be who or what you are..you simply are you regardless. My son is Autistic however and I have had to tell him quite a lot about his autism so he can function on a daily basis. He needs to be aware of what is appropriate etc. He loves playing his “It’s my Autism” Card lol. But I have spent many years explaining why he has the feelings, fears, confusions and frustrations…I think he would have gone Bonkers had he not been educated about his own autistic self.

Natasha Delgarno
I work with adults on the spectrum … I think that with getting a diagnosis in adulthood many Aspies/Auties finally feel like they have permission to be themselves, which they’ve always been trying so hard not to be. So after diagnosis you have to re-learn how to be yourself – part of which is being Autistic.

Leith McMurray
I’m with John Lang on this one! I call myself a hybrid as I was raised NT. I have had to learn about ASD and now regard nyself as a “translator” or ‘”interpreter” to both sides.

Donna Williams, BA Hons, Dip Ed.
Author, artist, singer-songwriter, screenwriter.
Autism consultant and public speaker.

http://www.myspace.com/nobodynowherethefilm
http://www.donnawilliams.net
http://www.aspinauts.com